A turtle and a rabbit are having a race. The rabbit goes really fast and sees the turtle so far away. So the rabbit takes a short nap and waits for the turtle for a little challenge. Suddenly the rabbit wakes up and sees the turtle about to cross the finish line. The rabbit runs as fast as he can, but it was too late. A bus runs them over and they both die.

A woman wearing a very fancy, striped sweater walks into a bar and sits down. The bar tender asks her “what’ll it be”?. The girl replies “Just a beer for me”. As this happens a child in Africa dies from complications due to starvation.

Q. What's the difference between a Mcdonalds employee and a gynecologist? A. They have different jobs.

Last Christmas I gave you my pie but the very next day you put it in your tummay. Now your dead because I poisoned the pie.

What do cows in Africa say? Moo

Where did Jonathan go when the bombs hit? Everywhere.

- I got kicked out of the library today. - why? - because I put the women's rights book in the fiction section

You know why the economy is so bad? Years of giving into corporations instead of local business. This moves the profits to the owner of the company instead of mom and pop who will be giving it back to the local community.

As far as I know, the day after tomorrow is going to be YOUR lucky day, because you will be tasting sausage for the first time with your lower lips... No seriously, you cant be virgin, you can tell me the truth, you like 24 or something?

What is the difference between a rabbit and a plum? A: They are both purple, except for the rabbit!

What is intangible and has every color on the rainbow? A rainbow.

What did George Washington say before he crossed the Delaware? "Get in the boat."

Q. what's red and smells like blue paint A. a dead baby in a trash can beside a foster home

Why did the man look in the mirror? To see his reflection.

What do you call a dog with no wings? A dog

Why did the man dig his nose? because everyone digs their nose

to get to the other side.

What do you call it when you see a black man break his arm? There isn't really any name but I suggest he seeks medical attention.

How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One.

What's worse than a spilled ice cream cone? 2 spilled ice cream cones. What's worse than 2 spilled ice cream cones? 3 spilled ice cream cones. What's worse than 3 spilled ice cream cones? The Holocaust. What's worse than the Holocaust? 4 spilled ice cream cones.

Where's the best place to buy moon bars? Michael Toal

what do Jewish people and pizzas have in common? they enjoy parties

Row, row, row your... Canoe.

Knock, Knock!! Who's there?! The Police!! Open the f*cking door and get down on your knees.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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