How do you make a frog stand still? Shoot it.

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What did the penis say to the vagina during intercourse? It didnt say anything, the male said to the female "i like pickles."

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How do you stop your baby crawling in circles? Pick it up and smother it.

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what's worse that reading something that just wasted seconds of your life? reading this and wasting more seconds.

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why did the little boy die? He had AIDS

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What happened when the zombie walked into the blonde lady convention? He went home hungry.

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Why did the chick cross the road? To get to the brothel for hot lesbian love.

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Why was Harry arrested? Because he stabbed multiple children.

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what did the boy with no arms get for christmas? A pair of robtic arms and now he has super stregth so he fuk up any body who said he would get cancer.

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What did the boy say when he got hit by a car? Nothing, he punctured his lungs.

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A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow! That is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man." The other man replies, "Yeah, well, we were married 35 years."

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Q. What did the atheist ask the pregnant woman? A. You gonna eat that?

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why couldn't randy turn on his computer? randy is blind and had mistaken his refrigerator for his computer.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Gestapo. Gestapo who? Your husband is dead.

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Why did the little girl cry when she fell off the slide? Because when she fell she hit the dirt ground, cause dust to fly into the air, he eyes started to water in response to keep her eyes from being damaged. The slide however, was taken down, too many children had been hurt while playing on it. The community is now pooling money together in order to build a new playground.

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Mom: Are you going to jump of a cliff just cause your friends are? Kid: You got married to dad cause you were the last lonely whore left of all your friends. And you wanna talk to me about peer pressure. Mom: Go jump.

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A priest, a rabbi and a scientologist walk into a bar. They discuss their various religious viewpoints until the scientologist gets a call informing him of his mother's death. The priest buys him a drink. Then the priest gets a call informing him of his mothers death. The rabbi buys him a drink. The rabbi gets a call. The scientologist expects it to be about the rabbi's mother dying, so he prematurely buys him a drink. It was actually the lottery commission telling the rabbi he won 48 million dollars.

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A jew, a catholic and a muslim walk into a bar. The catholic man dies of a massive heart attack and the other two men mourn their friend for weeks.

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your mama so fat she should go see a doctor.

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What would the funeral home do without a dead person? Wait until the next appiontment

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When life gives you melons, your dyslexic

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Q: What's the answer to this question? A: The question to this answer.

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My girlfriend said she doesn't like anti jokes and now i'm single ha ha just kidding.... she's dead

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A mother took her little boy to church. While in church the little boy said, "Mommy, I have to pee." The mother said to the little boy, "It's not appropriate to say the word 'pee' in church. So, from now on whenever you have to 'pee' just tell me that you have to 'whisper.'" Then the mother, realizing how her son could later become confused, clarified. She said, "You can say you have to pee as long as you say it in a quiet voice." The boy understood. There were no problems afterwards.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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