a black guy walks into a bar and sits next to a white guy. White guy: "I don't like your kind here". Black guy: "what kind wound that be"? White guy: "the colored kind". The black guy turns away then looks back at the white guy and says", When I'm born I'm black, when I die I'm black, When I'm cold I'm black, and when I'm sick I'm black. You ( to the white guy ) when your born your pink, when you die your blue, when your cold your purple, and when your sick your green and your calling me colored???

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What happened to the kid who couldn't swim? He drowned.

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A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The father begins by juggling some balls. The mother pulls out her harmonica and begins playing "Dixie". The children and dog try and get the dog to jump through a hoop. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

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Q: How many black guys does it take to black top a driveway? A: I can't give you a definitive answer unless I know the area to be covered, the thickness of material to be applied, and the capabilities of each individual working that particular day.

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How do you kill a blonde? There are countless ways to complete such a task all of which have infinite variations.

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Why did the Grandad teabag his Grandson? Because he likes dipping his balls into the mouths of his Grandchildren; as if they were a teabag and his mouth was a mug.

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there are two muffins in an oven. one says "its getting hot in here". the other says " oh my gosh!!! its a talking muffin!!!"

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What's white and horny? a unicorn.

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Are you from Africa because YOU GOT AIDS

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My mother forgot to make me a sandwich today.

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven, or have you been in a wheelchair all your life?

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Why was the kid crying Cuz there was a frog stapled to his head

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding an apple in your worm.

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How do you make a sandwich? You don't, you have a girl do it for you.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Poetry is hard And so is wood

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why was Lucy fat? Her BMI was over the recommended average.

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What's worse than the holocaust? Two holocausts What's worse than two holocausts? Twilight

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What's red, fast, and flies through the air? A tomato in a plane.

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What's the difference between a zit and a priest? These two things are so different that I couldn't list all of the differences in this text box.

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Ian: Your Mama's so dumb, she tried to commit suicide off a sidewalk. Dan: Yea, and when that didn't work she hanged herself.

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Where did Little Johnny go when the bomb hit? Everywhere.

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What do you call a Muslim in control of a plane? A pilot

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Nero, thank you for this opportunity, I desire to join the shadows, I left a thumbs up. Michelle

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How much money did the pirate pay for his ear to get pierced? Nothing, given that he is a pirate. It was probably done at gunpoint.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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