If i open this door you can go trough it

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A horse walks into a bar and begins to moo. Everyone is confused until it takes off its costume and reveals it's just a cow.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What's brown and sticky? Feces.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did the old man drop his milk? He had a stroke.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

How do you make pie without the oven? I dont kow, go google it.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Where is boots, Dora asks Why the hell are you asking me when your the one who is with him.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Did you know Helen Keller had a dog? You did?! Oh . . .

thumb_up thumb_down +13

You ask a German how long it takes to go from Berlin to Amsterdam. He replies, ''About four hours by tank."

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Two guys walk into A bar. The third one ducks.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the baby monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the dead monkey. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Roses are red, Violets are pretty, look at their team, Surrender at 20.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What's the difference between a whore and a blonde? There is not enough information to answer this question.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A man walks into a bar. He suffers a fatal concussion and the playground is shut down by local police until proper padding is installed.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

How do you kill a blonde? Cut off the bloodflow to their vital organs.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

How can a black person and a white person be friends? The civil right's movement.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son of a B**ch.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

yo mamas so old she probably ralises the greater risk of breast cancer in middle age women.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Father Murphy met Samuel Myer on the street. Sam it's been a month o' Sundays since I've seen you. You look propserous. How's the moile business? A snip better, Father, since we talked last. And thank you. For what, Sam? Well the last time we met you asked what I did with the foreskins. Well, here is the answer, my new business. What's this, a wallet. But so smooth, Sam. Yeah, Father, but when you rub it. Rub it, Sam? Yeah when you rub it it falls apart. And you have to buy a new one! Mazel Tov!

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

I can be considerate if like someone is burning to death and I was the one considerate enough to lit them on fire... Wait no, I am considerate towards my friends (which are all ladies, all men besides me are obstacles and nothing else) AAAAND my logic processor broke down. Anyway, please do me the honors, take the last message.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

your mama so jewish ( fat ) she had to take up two seats on the plane to fly here in the end there was no chocolate left she was taking up the whole plane space.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A doctor, a farmer, and a blonde walk into a bar. The doctor orders red wine because he knows it's good for the heart. The farmer orders a Piña Colada because he likes fruit. The two men wait eagerly to what the blonde is about to order. The blonde opens her purse and says "Damn it, I can't find my credit card." Suddenly, a handsome young gentleman walks up to her says "Don't worry miss, I'll buy a drink for you. What are you having?" The blonde looks up and says "Don't worry? I just lost my credit card!" In a fit a of anger, the blonde storms out the bar and doesn't order anything.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Did u hear what happened to that man with no arms and no legs who tried to play water polo? No, what happened He drowned....

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter because he won't come anyways.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops