A horse walks into a bar gets shot then carried away in a helicopter

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Hail Heetluh

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A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The father begins by juggling some balls. The mother pulls out her harmonica and begins playing "Dixie". The children and dog try and get the dog to jump through a hoop. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

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So I was standing in line at the grocery store and this little old lady let me cut in front of her. It was neat.

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What did the blond say when she got into a car crash? Nothing, she died.

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Why couldn't the blind man drive? His sight impairment made him unable to fulfill the task without harming himself and potentially other people.

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Roses are red my underwear is brown I just sharted my pants

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Yo Mama so stupid because she's been addicted to marijuana since she was a teenager, and has lost many brain cells. Resulting in her forgetting simple things like your birthday, her own name, etc. She has also developed lung cancer. She's predicted to die in two months if she continues to smoke as she does now.

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Roses are grey Violets are gray Tulips are grey Lilly's are grey Dandelions are grey Daisy's are grey Daffodils are grey I am colour blind.

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What did the little girl with cancer get for Christmas? Chemotherapy.

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A man walks up to a girl and says "Hello there" The girl doesn't respond because she has been deaf and blind for her entire life and doesn't know he is there. Potatoes.

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What do Batman and Harry Potter have in common? Their parents are dead.

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How do you keep a dummy in suspense for 24 hours? Tell him his wife suffered from a severe concussion and that he'll have to wait until morning to see if she's okay

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A giraffe walks into a bar.... just kidding, a giraffe wouldnt fit in a bar.

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A ninja is walking down the street then he...finds a puppy a names him rex

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Who gives a shit? Justin Beiber.

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends. How hard can you throw?

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What do babies suck on? juice boxes!

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Why didn't Johnny walk to school this week? He was dead.

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you mooma's like a bowling bowl i pick her up finger her throw her down the gutter and she still comes back for more

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Your mom is so fat, that when she stepped on the scale she was disappointed with the number that appeared.

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I told a joke to my friends. They laughed.

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Why do they call it "Unsweetened Tea?" Did they put sugar in it and then take it back out again?

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knock knock whose there? my penis.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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