How do you stop your baby crawling in circles? Pick it up and smother it.

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What did the penis say to the vagina during intercourse? It didnt say anything, the male said to the female "i like pickles."

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because you simply have a chicken joke WITHOUT it crossing the road

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My girlfriend said she doesn't like anti jokes and now i'm single ha ha just kidding.... she's dead

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Why can't we see the wind? Because no one likes you...

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that awkward moment when there is no candy in the van.....

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A mother took her little boy to church. While in church the little boy said, "Mommy, I have to pee." The mother said to the little boy, "It's not appropriate to say the word 'pee' in church. So, from now on whenever you have to 'pee' just tell me that you have to 'whisper.'" Then the mother, realizing how her son could later become confused, clarified. She said, "You can say you have to pee as long as you say it in a quiet voice." The boy understood. There were no problems afterwards.

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A African americia and a Hispanic are in a car, who's driving? The police man

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If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, its probably a turtle.

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When life gives you melons, your dyslexic

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Did you hear the joke about Hellen Keller? Neither did she.

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If I had xray vision I'd go to a black jack table and when the dealer dealt everyone there cards I would look at the hot girls boobs

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What would the funeral home do without a dead person? Wait until the next appiontment

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why was the boy sad? because his mom just punched his hamburger

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Why did the monkey fall off the tree? It died.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Gestapo. Gestapo who? Your husband is dead.

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Q. What did the atheist ask the pregnant woman? A. You gonna eat that?

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A jew, a catholic and a muslim walk into a bar. The catholic man dies of a massive heart attack and the other two men mourn their friend for weeks.

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Why did the little girl cry when she fell off the slide? Because when she fell she hit the dirt ground, cause dust to fly into the air, he eyes started to water in response to keep her eyes from being damaged. The slide however, was taken down, too many children had been hurt while playing on it. The community is now pooling money together in order to build a new playground.

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your mama so fat she should go see a doctor.

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why couldn't randy turn on his computer? randy is blind and had mistaken his refrigerator for his computer.

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A priest, a rabbi and a scientologist walk into a bar. They discuss their various religious viewpoints until the scientologist gets a call informing him of his mother's death. The priest buys him a drink. Then the priest gets a call informing him of his mothers death. The rabbi buys him a drink. The rabbi gets a call. The scientologist expects it to be about the rabbi's mother dying, so he prematurely buys him a drink. It was actually the lottery commission telling the rabbi he won 48 million dollars.

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Mom: Are you going to jump of a cliff just cause your friends are? Kid: You got married to dad cause you were the last lonely whore left of all your friends. And you wanna talk to me about peer pressure. Mom: Go jump.

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What did the guy say when he found out his girlfriend had a dick I don't think we should date anymore, you have a dick.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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