what do you tell a woman with one black eye? "sorry about that wild ball, you played a fantastic softball game otherwise"

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I forgot the rest, Don't laugh at me...

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because chickens aren't very intelligent and therefore it didn't see the possible dangers that could occur.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

A Minister a Priest and a Rabi walk into a bar, they are not setting a very good example.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

i used to think i had the coolest secret handshake with helen keller. then i realized she was talking sh*t about me

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Your mother's breath smells so bad that it just doesn't smell very good at all.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Knock Knock (No response) Knock knock (No response)

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Don't quote me on this Nero, but she kinda deserves it, she should know better, its not like you have gotten this far by not knowing your limits, even if you tend to break them way too often. Can you get rid of the hallucinations with your mind alone? If not get to sleep asap! And stay asleep for a month or so, and if they somehow cant feed your system intravenously, they can all get the fuck out of there.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

So I was walking down the street the other day, I went to the shop.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What do your mum and dad have in common Not much your dads dead

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why did Suzie fall off the swings? Because she didn't have arms or legs. Knock, Knock. Who's there? Not Suzie

thumb_up thumb_down -6

why did the man take a poo because his rectum exploded

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Your friend is so gay that he isn't attracted to hot women

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Who wins the battle of climbing a fence, the Mexican Man or the Black Man? The Mexican Man, the Black Man is still hanging from the tree.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What's the difference between a plumber and a gynecologist? One has a knowledge of piping system of a house and the ability to fix said pipes and the other has the medical knowledge of a women's vagina.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why did Jimmy cross the road? Because a chicken was about to cross the road, and he wanted to be kind and help the old 72-aged chicken get across the road. Because Jimmy had a grandfather that passed away because he was too old and nobody helped him cross the road. Jimmy is haunted by that memory and doesn't want that to happen to anyone else. Especially a chicken.... Also there were no cars and his best friend chicken was on the other side waiting for him.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Chuck Norris is so strong, he can probably lift more than 80 pounds

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Yo mama's so fat that she should probably go on a diet to avoid the risk of getting a cardiovascular disese.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What is similar about a goose and newly weds? They both aren't chairs

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Whats is worse than a dog bite? A shark bite. Whats worse than a shark bite? The Holocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

WHAT THE BABIES?!

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Your mama's so stupid because she has down syndrome.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What did the midget say to the leprechaun? Nothing.....midgets don't usually converse with leprechauns....and leprechauns aren't real.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops