Little Jimmy's mommy loved to see the smile on her only son's face as he ate her homemade cookies. Due to lack of medical knowledge at the time, Little Jimmy contracted diabetes and died before he turned 30. Unmarried and childless, he was diligently working on his doctorate thesis on Astrophysics. His death marked the end of his family line.

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The joke below was so funny I forgot to laugh.

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What is green, dangorous, slow, defencive, and scared? A turtle with a uzi.

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What's worse then the holocaust? The sun exploding.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One is a human profession, and the other is a type of fish.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? His wife and children had just been struck by a moving vehicle traveling at approximately 45 miles per hour trying to cross the same road. He ran across the road to comfort his dying wife and two children as they took their final breaths. The chicken was also not really a chicken but a middle-aged man who had recently been laid off his job and diagnosed wiuth an incureable disease.

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How long does it take a blonde to skrew in a light bulb? Any amount of time; given that she knows that said bulb is in need of replace meant, or that said blonde is disabled, or if you thought I would make some kind of funny blonde joke that you would tell your friend and then forget ten minutes later, only to think of it a day later and claim it as your own.

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If three men were rowing a rowboat backwards across your front lawn, and six of the four back wheels fell off, how many pancakes does it take to cover a dog house? 17 because footballs don't have feathers.

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Why did the dinosaurs go extinct? Well many scientists have theorized that a giant meteor hit the earth causing the extinction of most living things. Also if your christian : Dinosaurs never existed, evolution is the devils work, science is not the answer to the world's problems. Darwin was a foolish man, and thats that.

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Why did the baby cross the road? A very uncaring parent left their infant outside. The unsupervised baby then crawled under the fence and began to head towards the road. When the baby began to cross the road, there were two cars coming from both directions. Luckily, they saw the baby and came to an abrupt stop. Unfortunately, when the baby made it to the other side, an eagle swooped down and snatched the baby, because it is a bird of prey. Fortunately, the child's life was spared by the eagle. The Department of Child Services showed up later only to confiscate the baby from the parents. The eagle wanted to adopt it, but it could not speak nor could it sign the legal documents because it was an eagle.

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Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo. Cow says moo.

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Humans are pathetic: What kind of heaven is it when you die, and learn that everybody you love chose the wrong religion and is burning in hell? Moral: Human garbage!

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Limerick There once was a man from mass whos balls were made out of brass he clank them together to make stormy weather and lightning came out of his ass

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Why is three afraid of four? Because four ate five.

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A brunette, redhead, and blond were on a road trip. Their car broke down in the middle of the desert. The redhead offered to get help down the road, but never returned. The blond and brunette walked the direction the redhead went, but died four days later of heat exhaustion.

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So there's this Norwegian monk who grows carrots. He is world renowned for his carrots. They are known to be the juiciest, most delicious carrots on the face of the earth. He spends a large amount of his time in his garden, caring for his carrots. Well one day, while he is in said garden caring for his carrots, a thief jumps over the fence and steals 2 carrots. He looks up and makes eye contact with the monk, almost as if to say "hey... i've got your carrots". He then quickly turns and starts to break for the fence, which is now a considerable distance away as the garden doesn't start until a few hundred feet into the fence line. While the monk is a man of peace, he is not going to let some thief just waltz in and start stealing his carrots. These are, after all, the best carrots in the world. So the monk starts to give chase, but only 200 feet into the chase the monk is out of breath. The monk cannot run. So the monk starts getting in shape, practicing his 400 meter dash. Hour after hour, day after day, week after week. And he becomes so good, that he becomes the MONK CHAMPION that year in sprinting!! The next day, he is in his garden, caring for his carrots, and a thief jumps over the same spot in the fence, runs to the same patch of carrots, and again takes 2 carrots. Only 2. "This must be the same thief" thinks the monk (as all the mannerisms are exact matches). "He's not getting my carrots this time" - the monk well knowing he is the monk champion in sprinting. So the thief turns to make a break for the fence, but the monk gives steady chase. He is not far behind when the thief gets to the fence, and simply leaps over. The monk is stuck. He can't jump. So the monk starts practicing hurdles.. hour after hour, day after day, weak after week. He becomes so good at hurdling that he becomes the monk champion that year in hurdles!! The next day he is in his garden, caring for his carrots, when of course, the same thief jumps over the fence, and takes TWO CARROTS. He again looks the monk in the eyes, almost as to say "I will steal your carrots forever monk". So the monk gives chase. He is gaining pretty well on the thief.. I mean.. he was monk champion earlier that year in sprinting. As they get to the fence the thief jumps over, and looks behind him with a smirk. But to his surprise, the monk hurdles over the fence with the greatest of ease. The monk is really gaining on the thief now. They run through the forest, the monk so ready to finally catch his thief, and put his questions to bed. Now just 20 or 30 feet behind the monk, they come to the lake behind the monks house. Monk can't swim. So the monk starts taking swimming lessons, hour after hour, day after day, week after week, and he actually becomes the MONK CHAMPION that year in Monk swimming. So the next day he is in his garden, caring for his carrots, when the SAME THIEF jumps over the fence and takes TWO CARROTS. They exchange eye contact and the chase begins. They run, they jump, they run, and then come to the lake. The thief jumps in and starts swimming away, but this time... well THIS TIME the monk is RIGHT BEHIND the thief. The thief is practicing breast stroke, while the monk utilizes dolphin swim. They make their way out of the lake, the monk now just steps behind the thief as they come to the mountain. MONK CAN'T MOUNTAIN CLIMB. So the monk starts practicing mountain climibing. Hour after hour, day after day, week after week, and you know what? He becomes MONK CHAMPION that year in mountain climbing!!! So the next day the monk is in his garden, caring for his carrots, when as expected, the same thief jumps over the fence, steals two carrots. Always two. It is clear now to the monk that, the thief could hold more carrots, and he's obviously physically fit.. why not take more? Two carrots alone cannot feed a family, or generate significant profit. It is this question most which bothers the monk. Why always two? Eager to have his question answered the chase ensues, and they run, and they jump, and they swim, and they run some more to the base of the mountain, the monk now just steps behind the thief. As the thief makes his way up the mountain, he pretentiously looks behind him with a smile, only to realize the monk is now an arms reach behind him! As they reach the summit, the monk FINALLY GRABS THE THIEF. Ready for some answers he flips the thief around. And as he does the thief judo chops the monk. MONK DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO FIGHT! So the monk starts practicing karate, hour after hour, day after day, week after week. And guess what. He becomes MONK CHAMPION that year in karate?!?! Simply amazing, all that this monk has accomplished. So the next day, the monk is in his garden, caring for his carrots, and the same thief jumps over the fence, as always, takes two carrots, as always, and begins to break for the fence. The chase is on, and the monk is ready for answers. They run, they jump, they swim, they run some more, they mountain climb, and at the summit, the monk again GRABS the thief and flips him around! The thief, in a display of desperation, DOUBLE JUDO CHOPS the monk, but the monk, crafty now in karate, blocks both chops and swiftly leg sweeps the thief to the ground. It is done. The thief is on the ground, the monk standing over him breathing heavy, comes down to one knee, and grabs the thief by the shirt, and pulls his back off the mountain so that their eyebrow lines meet, in a stare which can be compared to that of koala bear (relentless). The monk says to the thief "I don't care who you are... I don't care where you are from" ....... "just tell me why. Why always two carrots!? What are you doing, that you always need... TWO... CARROTS?!?". The thief now realizing his days of carrot thievery are over, complies with the monks wishes. He says to the monk "ok. I will tell you. But. This is so embarrassing. My actions with these carrots so unthinkable. The deeds so unimaginable... you have to promise never to tell anyone!" And the monk never did.

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Knock Knock Nobody answered because the people in the house were away.

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Your mom is so ugly that she was mercilessly bullied throughout high school which led to severe depression and low self-esteem, however she went to college, got a career, found a man who loved her for who she is, not how she looks, and raised a family happily ever after.

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What happens when two elephants go out in the rain? They get wet.

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What did the dyslexic say to the nun? When I write, I typically misplace letters in words.

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What is worse than writing a really terrible joke on anti-joke.com? Death.

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"Hey want to hear the best knock-knock joke ever." "Sure." "Ok you start." "Knock-knock." "Whos there?" "..........."

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i have to tell you a knock knock joke. but you have have to start it..

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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