What time is it? I just looked at my clock on the wall. It is 9:14 AM Eastern Standard Time.

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How do you make someone to shut up You tell them to SHUT UP!

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What's the difference between a bag of dead babies and a Ferrari? I have a bag of dead babies in my garage.

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When life gives you lemons, thank life for its generosity.

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What did the turtle say to the hare? Nothing. Animals can't speak.

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A horse walks into a barn.

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Whats blue and white and red all over? The American flag

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Who is green? Mike Wazowsky.

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A black man from Harlem walked in to a store. He then proceeded to buy a few items using money he had earlier procured by working dilligently.

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What did little Susie give to young Billy on Christmas? Genital Herpes.

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One day, a mother was speaking with her daughters. "Mommy," the first one said, "Why did you name me Daisy?" "Because when we brought you home, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Mommy," the second daughter said, "Why did you name me Rose?" ""Because when we brought you home, a rose petal fell on your head." "MMMBWWAAAAGGGH!" the last daughter cried. She was born with severe special needs and is incapable of coherent speech.

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What did the guy say when he found out his girlfriend had a dick I don't think we should date anymore, you have a dick.

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I violate everyone that do not thumb me green, and vi0late the children, the parents, and the person of those that thumb me red... Its not about the sex, its about the domination... You might even like it...Your kids? Not so much... Well sometimes... Green thumb me, and I will... Meh, then you are awesome... friendly r*pist neighbourhood Moral Man: Subscribe below, address tracker activated... LETS GO!

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Q) How do you kill a blue elephant? A) Shoot it with a blue elephant gun. Q) How do you kill a pink elephant? A) Hold its trunk until it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun. Q) How do you kill a white elephant? A) Tickle it until it turns pink, hold its trunk until it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

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why did the Mexican make a burrito for his grandma? it's her favorite food and she has artheritis and its to painful for her to stand long enough to make one herself.

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-Knock, Knock -Who's there? -Carl -Carl wh-wait... carl...CARL OH MY GOD!!!! WE ALL THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD ,CARL!!!! Where have you been? Oh my god... Mom's DEAD! When we all thought you were dead she hung herself! IT'S YOUR FAULT SHE'S DEAD, CARL! YOUR FAULT!!!!!! YOU ARE AN UNGRATEFUL PIECE OF SHIT CARL! YOU KNOW THAT? I hope you burn in hell.

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An elephant walked into a bar. By bar I mean jungle. Elephants aren't capable of walking into a bar.

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the next time someone says "yolo" im going to pull out my shotgun and reply "sadly..."

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A duck walks up to a lemonade stand. He orders a lemonade and leaves promptly

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What do you say to a man with no legs at a bus stop.. How you getting on.

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A blonde goes in an electronic store. She buys a TV and leaves.

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Roses are roses Violets are violets Sugar is sugar And you're a person

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Knock knock. Who's there? The police. You wife was killed in an accident.

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What do you call a black man that works in a church A priest

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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