3 out of 5 smokers die And apparently the other 2 become immortal

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Why did the little girl fall off of the swing? Because she has no arms. Knock, knock. Who's there? Not her.

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Matt is a Duster!

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whats green and smells like red paint? green paint

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Shes got a big booty so I call her by her first name, women deserve respect.

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How do the Kardashians change a light bulb? They buy a new mansion

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Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She didn't have any arms Knock, Knock. Who's there? Not Sarah...

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Why didnt jimmy go to school? He had a hangover

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Q: Why was the man upset? A: He was kidnapped. Two cruel men tied him to a chair in an unknown location. This man was mistaken for someone who was planning to steal a big drug shipment. They beat him unmerciful, shocked him, and hit him in the head with a hammer, and threw him out in the street, with the belief of his death occurring. A driver stopped to help the man into the nearby hospital. The man was questioned about the physical appearance and whereabouts of these criminals. He remembered nothing, and sadly, they got away with this horrible crime.

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Q. Why did the chicken cross the road? A. I don't know, I've had a bad day, I can't think straight. Why do you keep asking me these questions? Always talking at me, everyday it's the same - why can't you just shut up?! I would be better off dead, then it would stop, this suffocating blackness. I need to escape...I'm going to do it tonight...pills, something like that...I don't care any longer. Goodbye.

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A dog walk into a bar, and the bartender asks, "What"ll it be?" The dog then breaks into tears as he realizes the bartender is his father's gay husband.

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*Knock knock* Who's there? No one answers so the man opens the door and gets stabbed 7 times in the chest

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Some people devote their life to talking in their head. Jesus christ.

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a man walks out of a gas station and sees an indian with his ear to the road. He walks up to him and the indian says "truck... ford truck... large man in front with flannel shirt and trucker cap... german sheperd in passenger seat... licence plate 4563u6." Amazed the other man says " wow, you can tell all of that just by listening to the road?" The indian says "no thats a the truck that ran over me five minuites ago"

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What do Batman and Harry Potter have in common? Their parents are dead.

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Someone stopped playing Skyrim.

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Why couldn't the Indian kid read? He got shot in the eye.

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You are being like super pervert now, I would never ever even try weed, cocaine is the real deal, you know I do not mean that. Anyway does it work on everyone?

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Why did the man start a shooting spree at walmart? Because he is mentally unstable and people at walmart make easy targets.

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Whats worse than stubbing your toe? statutory rape

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How to confuse a dumbass: see previous post.

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Q: Why are asians good at math? A: Because they study with their tutor every tuesday

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What is the difference between a black man and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family

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Q. why did the plane crash? A. because the pilot was a loaf of bread

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops