Why did the corpse come to life? Because number 5 is alive!

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What do you call two lesbians in a canoe? Women.

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Don't you just hate it when a sentence doesn't end the way you octopus?

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Potato!

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How to trick hundreds or religious people to drink cyanide? You establish a religious community in which you establish a ritual of drinking Kool-Aid once a day and one day switch the Kool-Aid with cyanide.

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what is a present you would give a werewolves? I said... OBAMA!!! tee hee

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9-11 please state your emergency. My house is flooding! Dad, youre in the swimming pool.

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Oh na na not today Oh na na maybe tommrow

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Girls get fucked Boys fuck Gays puke

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what did the crow say do the dead gazelle? - nothing the crow ate it

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What's black and white and red all over? Michael Jackson after his operation.

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Why did the clown go to jail? He murdered a thirteen-year-old girl.

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Hey I just met you, and your f$#king crazy,I ate your pizza, so go get me another one!!

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Where did little Timmy go when the bomb dropped? Everywhere.

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Knock Knock Who's there Doctor Doctor Who

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Why is Adam saying numbers? He is a maths teacher.

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Why was the dyslexic cowboy crying when he came into school that day? He had chronic diarrhea.

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A blind man walks into a bar. It was a book shop.

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What would you do if I walked onto your property and started to smash up your mailbox with a sledge hammer? You would be very scared and most probably call the police.

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One day a man woke up and decided that he was going to do something with his life. He then got a haircut, took a shower and bought a nice new suit. After that he went home and cleaned up his whole house and invited his parents, that were not very close with him, over for dinner.An hour and thirty minutes before his parents got there, he went to the store to pick up some food to prepare for the very important dinner. On the way home he see's a homeless man walking on the side of the road. The man felt bad for him because he was poor so he gave him $10. He then proceeded home to make the dinner. The dinner turned out very well and he went to bed a better man.

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Why did the blackjack player gamble every night and day and not eat, sleep, or use the bathroom? To practice for a tournament in which the grand prize was to save his dying grandmother.

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So there we were, climbing Mount Kjerag and we take a break. So I decided to tell you a joke. "Isn't this nice, just hanging around? See it's funny because we're suspended over 1000 metres in the air by our harnesses, except that you're not because I cut yours and now you're falling and you're gonna die." But I had done all that before I told you the joke so you didn't hear me and now I'll have to cut my harness and try to catch up to you so I can repeat myself. Great job, ya prick.

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what did the man say to the person he hates? nothing!

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Q: How do you get a giraffe into a refrigerator? A: You open the door put the giraffe in and the close the door. Q: How do you get an elephant into a refrigerator? A: You open the door to the refrigerator take the giraffe out then put the elephant in and close the door. Q: The Lion King is hosting an animal conference, all the animals attend but one, which one is it? A: The elephant it's in the fridge Q: You have to cross a river that is inhabited by crocodiles how do you cross it? A: You swim across, the crocodiles are at the animal conference.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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