- Anti Joke

Q: what do you call a man that see's a unicorn A: hallucinating

Republicans

Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A1: he was shot. A2: he died A3: the forest was being cut down and he got into a machine and was shredded to pieces A4: he fell asleep

A man laughs creepily and another man asks him what he's doing he says I have a creepy laugh so the man asks him why he was laughing the man says there's a boy over there that has a frog stapled to his face!!!!!!!!!

Im Harold Camping.... and i enjoy scaring the shit out of you

What's worse than having an ugly face? AIDS

identical jokes get different votes.

A dyslexic man's favourite clothing shop is Tampon.

What do you call a Christmas tree with lights on it? A Christmas tree with lights on it.

Dad, why are we Swedish? Because antilopes and the butterfly effect son.

What do you call five white guys sitting on a bench? the NBA

ProX hacker JazZ Has aids hahahaha

Your mumma is so fat she was mistaken for an opera singer in a quite awkward confrontation. she was embarrassed and walked out crying

What do you call a man with no arms or legs? Whatever his parents named him

Priest: "Matt, will you take Senae to be your wife, your partner in life and your one true love? Will you cherish her friendship and love her today, tomorrow and forever? Will you trust and honor her, laugh with her and cry with her? Will you be faithful through good times and bad, in sickness and in health as long as you both shall live?" Matt: No

A man walks into a bar. He then walks out of the bar a while after. He then goes home and goes to bed. And then he goes to sleep. And then in an odd time travel paradox,a T-Rex arrives from the past and kills him and his entire family.

What's white, black and tan? The people of planet earth.

A 65 year old man is tired with his life. He begins to realize that it is meaningless to him. He wants no part in the world anymore so he decided to commit suicide. On his way to commit suicide, he comes across a magical man that has an extraordinary offer. This magical man has offered to grant the 65 year old man the power to fly. The 65 year old man, accepts the offer in great interest, but the magical man wants something in return for his deed. The 65 year old man, offers all the money in his wallet to the magical man. The magical man accepts his offer of all the money and continues. With a flick of the wrist, the magical man says, "fly, fly, high as the sky, i grant this man the ability to fly". The 65 year old man is greatly excited now that he has the ability to fly. He cant wait to try out his new power. He runs to the nearest cliff and jumps. Too bad the "magical man" was really a male prostitute that was broke and homeless. The 65 year old man died on impact and the male prostitue walked away with a wallet full of cash.

What do you call a man with multiple sexual partners? Well, first you strongly urge him to get tested for any contagious and potentially dangerous STD's that could have been transmitted from one partner's genitalia to another person's genitalia which could have very well been he himself. They could be life threatening. Oh, and call him by his first name.

An airplane has 100 bricks on-board. If you drop one brick, how many bricks would be left? 99 -------------------------------------------------------------------- How do you put a giraffe inside a refrigerator? Open the refrigerator, put the giraffe inside, close the refrigerator. -------------------------------------------------------------------- How do you put an elephant inside a refrigerator? Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put the elephant inside, close the refrigerator. -------------------------------------------------------------------- The Lion King gathered all the animals from the land to a meeting. Everyone came, except one. Who was the animal? The elephant. He's still inside the refrigerator. ------------------------------------------------------------------- You want to cross a river, but you know that there are crocodiles there. There is no bridge, vines to swing from, etc. How do you cross the river? Swim across the river. The crocodiles are at the meeting with The Lion King. ------------------------------------------------------------------- So you swimmed over the river, but how did you still die? You were hit by the brick falling from the airplane.

Alice? Childhood Alice? I did not recognize you! Its so nice to hear from you again! I would not worry too much about Nero`s shouting at night dear friend, while he has overcome a lot, he suffers from nightmares and nightterrors, its not pain, not physical at least, please do not tell him I told you, he prefers sparing people the details. Should I type as If I am typing to Nero? Sorry, I am just a bit flustered, Nero has never been the romantic type, not towards me at least... I know the "official chatting hours are over, but can I ask you or rather him to stay on a bit longer?"

A polar bear walks into a bar, sits down, and says, "Can I have a.........................beer?" The bartender asks, "Why the large pause?" The bear responds, "I have a speech impediment"

A black man and a white man walk into a bar, "what will it be" said the bartender. Milk, chocolate milk.

I have a little dog. She likes being tossed high into the air. I need a new little dog as the last one was caught by a gust carrying here over the sound-dividing highway wall and dropped into traffic.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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