Why did Marilyn Manson surgically remove 2 ribs from his body? To suck his own penis.

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A momma cow was grazing in the meadow with her three calves when the first one asked, "Mom, how did I get the name Rose? "Well when you were born, a rose pedal came floating in the breeze and landed on your head." The second calf asked, "How did I get the name Daisy?" "Well when you were born, a daisy came floating in the breeze and landed on your head." The third calf mumbled, "LKJLSKJFSLKJLKSJDF" incoherently, and the Mom responded, "Shut up, Cinderblock."

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how do you stop a bus? Well, just up the road is a stop sign so the bus will stop there because it is illegal to go through a stop sign without stopping.

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Cleavlin has a shmaaala dik

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What did the unicorn say to the horse? I have a horn and you don't.

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knock, , knock , who's there the gas man the gas man who ? the gas man who is gonna turn your gas off !

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A nuclear device is dropped on hiroshima. Does it make a sound? The answer is yes because the americans are laughing in Enola Gay

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What did the snoop dog have for breakfast? Weed

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How are cars made? By magic.

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What's the difference between a murdered baby and a dead baby? Not much

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What is big red and eats rocks? A big red rock eater.

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Whats a welfare? Its what keeps you alive.

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Why Did The Black Guy Eat Watermelon? Because he lives in south africa where they are commonly grown and needed a healthy snack.

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A man walks into a bar. Since he was only moving at a slow walking pace, he was fine, no further events worth noting occured.

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whats the difference between a grape and an elephant? the grape is purple

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Where is the center of the universe? There is no center of the universe! According to the standard theories of cosmology, the universe started with a "Big Bang" about 14 thousand million years ago and has been expanding ever since. Yet there is no center to the expansion; it is the same everywhere. The Big Bang should not be visualised as an ordinary explosion. The universe is not expanding out from a center into space; rather, the whole universe is expanding and it is doing so equally at all places, as far as we can tell. In 1929 Edwin Hubble announced that he had measured the speed of galaxies at different distances from us, and had discovered that the farther they were, the faster they were receding. This might suggest that we are at the center of the expanding universe, but in fact if the universe is expanding uniformly according to Hubble's law, then it will appear to do so from any vantage point. If we see a galaxy B receding from us at 10,000 km/s, an alien in galaxy B will see our galaxy A receding from it at 10,000 km/s in the opposite direction. Another galaxy C twice as far away in the same direction as B will be seen by us as receding at 20,000 km/s. The alien will see it receding at 10,000 km/s:

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What's the difference between you and a bucket of shit? The bucket and the shit. You're a human being.

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What did the Catholic Priest say to the little boy? May God be with you.

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What happens when two jews meet in the bus ? I don't know, but I'm pretty sure it's not worth telling a joke about that.

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What's The Difference Between A Refridgerator And The Holocaust ? Not Much.

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What do you call a black guy selling drugs? A pharmacist.

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Jesse gets so many ladies

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What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot.

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-Have you seen Stevie Wonders new house? -No. -Well niether has he.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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