I'm winning at Scrabble.

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When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.

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How fast do Jews cook? It depends how many you have in the oven at once.

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Feeling that your friends do not listen to your insightful conversations? BUY A PARROT! Teach it to say "Uhuh", and "Ahah", and "Dats coo!" NOW YOU CAN BE COMPLETELY APRECIATED BY A FUCKING BIRD THAT DOES NOT KNOW WHAT YOU ARE SAYING... ...BUT IS IT... APPRECIATING IT? DUUUUUUUN DUUUUUUUUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN! MYSTERY!

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How do you give a women more freedom? Shoot her in the face with a shotgun.

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There are 2 women at a bus stop. One of them has a swollen belly. The pregnant woman says to the other one, "I'm expecting a baby." The other woman responds, "That's too bad. I'm expecting a bus, at least that'll help me."

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Your mother is so fat that if she were to fall from a great height she would hit the ground with more force than that of an average sized individual.

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So a man walks into a bar, asks for a beer, then drinks it. He then goes home expecting to have dinner with his wife and 2 kids. His wife smells his breath before that and asks him what happens. The men opens to his true and only love and tells her he's having a bad time at work. So they share a hug and talk about it. The man is then renewed, starts pulling up at his job and gets a promotion to general supervisor. He lives happily and watches his kids grow and become professionals. He then dies of a heart attack at the advanced age of 89 while he was watching his favorite TV show.

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how do 2 gay guys walk... one pounces into the others butt

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Cacti are green Clouds are white Spoons are silver Corn is yellow Carrots are orange Asphalt is black Grapes are purple Cinnamon is brown Lets's have sex

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I stole all your jokes, I stole this one too.

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I may have alzheimers...Thank god I dont have alzheimers

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Q: Billy has 47 pieces of cake, he eats 38. What does he have left? A: Diabetes

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Probably because this chicken had a mental disability and saw on the news that there was a hospital on the other side of the road that could treat his illness and possibly save his life, allowing him to fulfill his life-long dream of retirement. But knowing that chickens do not possess the brain power capable of understanding the situation that this chicken was in, it had probably gotten lost and just wandered off.

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Why are there no swimming pools in Mexico? The average yearly income is $3,523, and pool chemicals are very expensive.

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Bradley is Sexi;P just kidding!!! fatty

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Why did the clown go to jail? For 23 charges of rape and murder.

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Why was the white man chosen for the job over the black guy? He had more work experience and was clearly the better suited applicant.

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How do you confuse a blond? Dress up as Lady Gaga and yell "Ni!" in her face.

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What's bad about being a ghost with no arms or legs? You're dead.

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What do you call a black guy flying a plane? A Pilot.

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Want to hear a funny joke Rojo Bunchie

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A priest was driving a motorcycle and was doing these amazing crazy stunts. It turns out they were actually filming a movie.

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CAVE JOHNSON.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops