If life gives you lemons, throw them at people.

Seven

So, there was two successful business men at a social gathering when one leans in to the other to comment, "Hey, that women over there, she looks like your wife!" to which the other one replies, "That is my wife."

Why does Courtney smell? she has a severe lack of personal hygiene which needs addressing,

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. They had several drinks, conversed animatedly, and heartily enjoyed themselves.

Why didn't the Hispanic man get elected? Because his policies were unpopular.

Woman:I give my Heart to You! Man:Thank You!!! The Woman then dies because one can't live without a heart

Yo Mama so stupid because she's been addicted to marijuana since she was a teenager, and has lost many brain cells. Resulting in her forgetting simple things like your birthday, her own name, etc. She has also developed lung cancer. She's predicted to die in two months if she continues to smoke as she does now.

How do you keep a dummy in suspense for 24 hours? Tell him his wife suffered from a severe concussion and that he'll have to wait until morning to see if she's okay

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 had three balls.

Abbie shaved her arse today....then it smiled at me

Roses are red my underwear is brown I just sharted my pants

Why do we bother living when someday we will die? To reproduce and watch TV.

So a deaf man is listening to the radio.

there is a blonde, red head, and brunet held captive in afghanistan. The people say whats your last word to the red head, she says tornado... they turned and she escaped, they say to the brunet what is your last word, she says tsunami.. they turn and she escaped. They go to the blonde and say what is your last word, she says fire... she is then shot rapidly and she dies.

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Roses are grey Violets are gray Tulips are grey Lilly's are grey Dandelions are grey Daisy's are grey Daffodils are grey I am colour blind.

How many pencils does it take to get an A on a test? Actually it takes knowledge.

Why is there such a big box because there is some writing down here :)

Q: What did the magician do to cure his cold?? A: Took medicine!

How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends. How hard can you throw?

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was dead Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? He was stapled to the first monkey Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure

what has 2 legs and is red all over? Half a cat.

An Asian walks into a Chinese restaurant. Then he decides that he would prefer Mexican instead, and drives to a Taco Bell.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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