I'm on the ABC diet. The ABC stands for: Americans British Chinese I eat humans.

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your mommas so fat she jumped for joy and got stuck

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Q: On a plane, a black man does not grab a bag of peanuts, while everyone else does. Why? A: He has allergies.

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Knock knock Who's there? Illiteracy.

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Why did the cow cross the road? It was escorted by its owner to get to the slaughter-house.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Meals on wheels - eat up!

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A lawyer gets admitted to a bar.

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what did the cat say to the monkey meow then he got hit by a car

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If life gives you lemons, steal the declaration of independance and use the lemons and a hair dryer to reveal the numbers on the back. Then enbark on an epic journey that ends with the discovery of the templars treasure. Lastly, use the money you earned to buy some lemons and make some lemonade.

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Okay, but cut me some slack here, its not as straight forward as it sounds, I got at least twice as many active synapses as other people do, that means twice the thought process, in video games I can for example remember twice the commands, and such. Sadly this does not mean that I can think twice as fast or twice as smart, but rather that I do so involuntarily in short spans, until I burn myself out. So be a bit nice to me, when I say that I have since I was a kid used about 2.5-7.5 mg valium, this is just because my thought process works so fast I burn out because well, I got the processor, but it burns out, excuse me my wife needs some help with her cellphone, see you soon

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What happens when you cross a vampire and a werewolf? A cross between a vampire and a werewolf.

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Why did the man have a curiously-shaped scar on his cheek? He had been mauled by an owl as a child.

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What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor? Where's my tractor?.

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Why did the man reach for his gun? Because he wanted to kill someone.

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So an irishmen, jewish, and asain walk into the bar...and the bartender said get out..

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What's brown and sticky? A stick

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How do you kill a blonde? Shoot her.

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I came home from my doctor`s appointment today, I told my sister that I was diagnosed with The Super rare "Spontaneous Erections Syndrome" (S.E.S) a very rare disease that can seriously impair the victims life in general, especially the social life, as symptoms may show themselves even among friends, pets, grandmas, enemies, and even close family! She told me that everybody knows I a just a kinky pervert with bulge so big it scared girls away instead of attracting them. Excuse me, what the hell is patient confidentiality good for if my doctor is going to call my sister and tell her everything she said to me afterwards?!

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What animal has four legs and one hand? Happy rottweiler

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Friends are like trees, They fall down if you hit them several times with an axe.

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Police Officer: Please step out of the car, sir Jimmy: Xbox...

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How do you get a pirate out of your seat? Politely ask him to move for you were there first.

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What happened to the jew that donated? Stop thinking, jews dont donate.

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You wanna see my secret freckle? NO! How about my butt? What!!!!!!!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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