A special needs student walks into a girls change room, and is then escorted out unaware that what he did was socially unacceptable.

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Your Mother's breasts sag with such severity that the late, great surrealist artist Salvador Dali mistook them for clocks.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. Why did the dog cross the road? To eat the chicken. Why did the police officer cross the road? To tranquilize the dog and the chicken.

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Who has, there are like... Well actually I might have watched them all, downloaded them in a torrent... A LEGAL torrent of course... NOT. Well, you get a hint, it looks a lot like Mickey Mouse, and its a trick question since Mickey Mouse was not actually drawn by Disney, so yeah.

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Why are there no aspirin factories in the Amazon Rainforest? Because it would be unprofitable to build a factory that requires a large workforce in an uninhabited area.

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We have finally achieved the goal of six million followers, and created our own society, finally I can shout that this fucking world is insane! My world on the other hand, is what I have been dreaming about since the day I was born, maybe she had a reason to cut of my arm, maybe she was right to beat me half to death with it, maybe she was no more insane than I for seeing Satan when looking at me. But if a world of hope, peace, love, unity, without suffering, war, disease, guided by the hearts desire of my followers, where we can all be happy without "thanking oh great deity" for giving us what WE WITH HARD WORK AND SACRIFICE HAVE FINALLY ACHIEVED! IS THE WORK OF SATAN!... ...Then fuck, you are all welcome,,, Maybe I will one day want your souls, because I want freedom, and giving them in servitude to some God in exchange of eternal agony is freedom THEN I DO NOT FUCKING KNOW WHATS WRONG WITH THIS WORLD, BUT HELL IF IT IS SOMETHING REALLY FUCKING MESSED UP! I mean, sure, the world might have once experienced a life so terrible and hopeless that the thought of deities (invisible ghosts from space and their human children?) would come and set them free, as such humanity lost faith in themselves and so on... ...But does that excuse humanity for not believing in itself enough in order to create heaven on earth rather than destroy their only guaranteed life in hopes of life, ironically after death TODAY? Why he fucking HELL was I the ONLY ONE THAT COULD THINK OF THAT?! Then again, I achieved this not because I felt forced, if burdened with a painful feeling that I somehow knew there was a better way than religion or "my actions do not matter because I wont exist after death mentality". But because I was then, apparently the only one willing to listen to my hearts desire, believe in what religious people call "the lies of Satan", the notion that I would one day find power, freedom love, and the ability to share it with others upon this world... Either that, or my heart is something truly special... The only one worth listening to. So as I fear my own society, my own order being blown up by a nuke in an instant, proving somehow that I am Satan in disguise and that my dream was my lie... ...It was all worth it, and then it was all a lie, because humanity are those that do not allow it to happen, not Gods. I have nothing more to fear, I am complete. Yes hate me because I am full of pride for what I have done, because I am happy and finally at peace, call me a braggart, call me whatever the fuck you want and know that I have been called and known as far worse! But that is what my world is about, where nobody lives in shame "enduring" life on earth, settling in conformity, afraid of their neighbor, beating the shit out of their children because they wont say "Amen" before dinnertime until they do and again do the same to their children when they grow up. You are simply jealous... Its not arrogance if you can back it up, its not narcissism if every good thing you see in yourself, is what you have already achieved! One day I will seek to turn against your world, to burn it down and kill all that choose fear over love, this out of mercy... ...As if you have decided that life is a painful one that must be endured until death, and avoid all and everything that makes you happy... ...I will be more than happy to make your "arduous life of test on earth" A short one, so that you might hopefully meet your maker, after all, if that is not the way you feel, then you are betraying your God aka delusion, everybody wins. I made this, by my own effort at first, then followed by the few that are today many... And I am not human, but hell if I have any "Omnipotence"... ...And behold what I have created... And then ask yourself: WHY THE HELL CANT MY FUCKING OMNIPOTENT DELUSION DO THAT? This is for those that follow Neronism, and for those that from time to time, start to awaken from their brainwashing, as I no longer offer you the opportunity to create a world where you are treated with respect and love, where you will find wealth and peace... ...Because that world is already made, now I will allow you to beg me for a chance to see if you are worthy to take part in it, because humans... If hell if you made this dream hard for me. Bah, six million followers is enough for now, you others go kill one another in hopes of reaching of what my vision has created on earth. Farewell horsehead network, where I grew the thick skin required in order to withstand being laughed at, this with and on purpose, you have served your purpose. And should you be one of mine reading, then thank you for making it happen, and fuck, you are very damn welcome as well. I also expressed my anger, my doubts, my fears and rage here, now that is finally over, as I no longer carry any of those emotions, and do not rule, but guide out of my people`s respect for me rather than fear, in a world where such emotions are not neccesary. Nero. (Yes religious assholes, you might call me Satan, I really hope you will find heaven after life, because if hell if you are welcome to our heaven on earth). Ps: I know I have said I will leave for good before, and then some jackass kept posting "Moralman is gone/dead" but this time I mean it, id be ashamed to return, besides I have my own empire to take care of, I did not want to become the emperor, but why deny the desire of all of my followers? Somehow I have reason to believe I am capable.

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What's cute and smokes? A cute person with a nicotine addiction.

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What do you get when you post the same thing a million times? Hate

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What did the fat man buy at Mcdonalds? A unicorn

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Yo Mama is so dumb, that she scored significantly below average on the SAT's.

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The Hardest Final Exam, Test, Quiz! !!! 1. What is the first question? a. True b. False 2. Which of the following is following a witch? a. Broom b. Stick c. Broomstick d. Stickbroom 3.What is the first letter of the alphabet? a. b b. c c. d d. e 4. Which of the following is NOT true? a. True b. False 5. Explain the differences between north and south? a. north is south b. south is north c. south is south b. north is north 6. How many can you a. See? b. Feel? c. Hear? d. Disturbing? 7. What number are we in? a. second b. first c. sixth d. homerun 8. The most faster your car is, what time is it? a. True b. False 9. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? a. chicken b. egg c. all of the above d. none of the above 10. What is the opposite of below? a. below b. above c. all of the above d. none of the above 11. Which is not a letter of the alphabet? a. a b. b c. c d. all of the above 12. If b+c = b+c, then.... a. b+c? b. True? c. needs more improvement 13. What color is the rainbow? a. yellow b. red c. There is no color 14. If the chicken came first, what came second? a. The rooster b. The egg c. The chicken d. The duck 15. How many numbers are in a number? a. True b. False 16. Imagine you are stranded in a deserted island? a. Robinson Carusoe b. Tom Hanks c. The blue lagoon d. non-existing cells 17. Choose the best answer a. opposite b. average c. both a and b are wrong d. all of the above 18. Which of the following is not a sentence? a. The b. ? c. A d. no 19. Can you go faster? a. True b. False c. both a and b are wrong d. both a,b, and c are wrong 20. If 1 + 1 equals 2, what is the fastest car in the world? a. 2+2=4 b. 3 c. 7 d. no answer 21. Please select the wrong answer a. True b. False 22. Why? a. because b. where? c. why? d. Z 23. Almost Done? a. True b. False 24. Roosters don't lay eggs. a. Left? b. Right? c. On which side will the egg fall d. Rooster is standing in a pointed roof 25. A snake is an example of a a. reptile b. snake c. living thing d. car 26. How do you spell entrophy? a. anthrophy b. entrofy c. ontrafie d. entropy 27. A car is driving 45 mph east of L.A. while a train is driving 65 mph west of New York. If the sun is yellow, how many moons does the earth have? a. 1 moon b. 2 moons c. 45 mph d. red 28. True or False. Both a and b are correct? a. True b. False c. both a and b are wrong d. All of the above e. None of the above f. Only a and c are correct G. Actually, both abcdefg are not alphabets 29. Which of the following is a true sentence? a. The End b. The microwave is the end of c. The end of the end d. end then 30. What is an apple? a. It's a bird b. It's a plane c. It's superman d. All of the above 31. If this sentence is not English, what language is it? a. English b. Spanish c. Portuguese d. Neptune 32. In 1998, what former superstar has the capital of what state? a. Michael Bush b. ask the audience c. phone a friend d. 1969 33. If water has the chemical components H2O, what chemical components is a chemical? a. Water b. Fire c. Answer d. Question 34. Max has 4 coins. Jack has 7. Which 2 is false and which is true? a. True b. False 35. Answer this question? a. firefly b. hummingbird c. Seattle d. bees 36. A rabbit and a turtle are racing. They both had a tie. Who won wearing a shirt? a. pants b. rabbit c. chicken d. you lose 37. What comes after A? a. A b. F+ c. A rabbit d. not a question 38. What is a chocolate bar? a. A bar of chocolate bar b. A chocolate of bar c. bartender chocolate d. both b and d are wrong 39. Who is? a. True b. False 40. This question is tricky a. True b. False 41. What is the answer for number 41? a. expensive haircut b. sausage company c. No answer d. There is an answer 42. In mathematics, if you're drinking water and there's a bug in it, would you drink it? a. Yes, but not sure b. No, this is biology c. Not True d. Not False e. All of below F. You're already drinking the water 43. How do you answer this question? a. True b. False 44. Which of the following is an example of an example? a. The mission b. c. All of the answers are not true d. below above 45. If the clock strikes 3 and it’s 9 O’clock, what time is it? a. Alarm b. Doorbell c. Cause and Effect d. Permission 46. How many people does it take? a. 7 people b. 7 lightbulbs c. 7 O’clock d. 7-11 47. A tree falls down in the middle of a forest. Did the tree fall down if nobody was there to see it? a. It will b. It won’t make noise c. It will not d. It cannot make noise 48. Who or what is why and how, when and if it happens? a. The Minister b. where c. Nobody knows d. Sometimes 49. Which of the following does NOT make sense? a. one dollar b. perfume c. nickel d. sight 50. If this question is an answer, what answer is a question? a. Don't take this test again b. I can't believe you read this whole thing c. No way D. Yes way Update: AND YES, ALL THESE QUESTIONS ACTUALLY HAVE ANSWERS. CHOOSE THE "best" ANSWER FOR EVERY QUESTION. 1 following 6 answers Report Abuse Answers Relevance chikka Best Answer: i haven't but im gonna do yours. 1. What is the first question? a. True 2. Which of the following is following a witch? c. Broomstick 3.What is the first letter of the alphabet? a. b 4. Which of the following is NOT true? b. False 5. Explain the differences between north and south? c. south is south 6. How many can you a. See? 7. What number are we in? d. homerun 8. The most faster your car is, what time is it? b. False 9. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? a. chicken 10. What is the opposite of below? b. above 11. Which is not a letter of the alphabet? c. c 12. If b+c = b+c, then.... a. b+c? 13. What color is the rainbow? c. There is no color 14. If the chicken came first, what came second? b. The egg 15. How many numbers are in a number? a. True 16. Imagine you are stranded in a deserted island? b. Tom Hanks 17. Choose the best answer c. both a and b are wrong 18. Which of the following is not a sentence? a. The 19. Can you go faster? d. both a,b, and c are wrong 20. If 1 + 1 equals 2, what is the fastest car in the world? d. no answer 21. Please select the wrong answer b. False 22. Why? a. because 23. Almost Done? b. False 24. Roosters don't lay eggs. d. Rooster is standing in a pointed roof 25. A snake is an example of a a. reptile 26. How do you spell entrophy? a. anthrophy 27. A car is driving 45 mph east of L.A. while a train is driving 65 mph west of New York. If the sun is yellow, how many moons does the earth have? a. 1 moon 28. True or False. Both a and b are correct? a. True 29. Which of the following is a true sentence? a. The End 30. What is an apple? d. All of the above 31. If this sentence is not English, what language is it? d. Neptune 32. In 1998, what former superstar has the capital of what state? a. Michael Bush 33. If water has the chemical components H2O, what chemical components is a chemical? a. Water 34. Max has 4 coins. Jack has 7. Which 2 is false and which is true? a. True 35. Answer this question? d. bees 36. A rabbit and a turtle are racing. They both had a tie. Who won wearing a shirt? b. rabbit 37. What comes after A? d. not a question 38. What is a chocolate bar? a. A bar of chocolate bar 39. Who is? b. False 40. This question is tricky a. True 41. What is the answer for number 41? d. There is an answer 42. In mathematics, if you're drinking water and there's a bug in it, would you drink it? F. You're already drinking the water 43. How do you answer this question? a. True 44. Which of the following is an example of an example? a. The mission 45. If the clock strikes 3 and it’s 9 O’clock, what time is it? d. Permission 46. How many people does it take? a. 7 people 47. A tree falls down in the middle of a forest. Did the tree fall down if nobody was there to see it? a. It will 48. Who or what is why and how, when and if it happens? c. Nobody knows 49. Which of the following does NOT make sense? d. sight 50. If this question is an answer, what answer is a question? b. I can't believe you read this whole thing 51. How many camels does a hump have? a. 2 camels b. 2 humps c. 1 camel d. 1 hump 52. Can a rabbit jump higher than a tree? a. Yes, trees can jump b. No, rabbits only hop c. trees don’t jump d. rabbits don’t care 53. Why did the turtle run? a. It was speeding b. It was racing the rabbit c. to get to the other chicken d. turtles can’t run 54. Who invented inventing? a. inventions b. Thomas Edison c. submarine d. Thomas Edison’s submarine 55. Can a man kill a shark with one hand? a. Needs two hands b. All of the above c. No such thing as a man with one shark d. No such thing as a shark with one man 56. Don’t judge a book by its cover. a. rabbits b. polka dots c. camel d. you have no choice 57. How long did you run if you ran a mile? a. 45 miles b. 45 minutes c. 45 mph d. 45 men 58. Open your book to chapter 4. a. True b. False 59. If it’s 9 O’clock in Japan, what time is it in August? a. 6 O’clock b. December c. China d. You have no choice 60. Here’s a tricky question. a. True b. False c. There is no question mark d. All of the above 61. Why is 6 scared of 7? a. 6 + 7 = 8 b. 786 c. eleventeen d. 7-11 62. Is your refrigerator running? a. running for president b. running for mayor c. refrigerators only walk d. you better go catch it 63. What is what? a. which is which b. it’s a noun c. it’s a question d. none of the below 64. What kind of noise does a giraffe make? a. bark bark b. oink oink c. giraffe giraffe d. meow mix 65. Give an example of a car? a. 2 wheels b. drive c. shift key d. not enough selections 66. How ya doin’? a. fine, how are you b. good, thanks c. false d. true 67. What’s red and white and blue all over? a. a flag that blew up b. yellow c. black d. orange is not a fruit 68. ? a. The gardener b The butler c. The waiter d. both b and c are inside 69. What is a U-turn? a. follow directions b. wrong spelling c. signal d. error BONUS: 0. Can you sing a song about a song that sings about singing songs? a. None of the above b. True and False c. Okay d. only songs about songs that talks about singing songs 1. What is your name? a. who wants to know b. none of your business c. none of the above d. two syllables and words in English 2. The correct answer is a? a. wrong b. correct c. melon d. sausage 3. What is the difference between up and down? a. up b. down c. left d. right e. same difference f. different similarities 4. If he and she do the work, can they make it work for him, her, or them? a. Them b. Her c. Him d. Final Answer 5. Can you drink the drink? a. water the water b. plant the plant c. smell the smell d. armpit the armpit

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What's green and says I'm a frog? A talking frog

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Knock knock. Who's there? Mike. Oh, come in.

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what did the boy with no arms and no legs get for his birthday? a new bike.

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YOUR MOM SHOT YOU OUT HER ASS!!!

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knock knock... whose there? I don't know why don't you open it and find out dumb ass... Gosh people and their common sense these days!!

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Scenario: A man is being mugged in an alley Mugger: Give me your wallet! I have a gun! Victim: You don't have the balls. Mugger: Oh yeah! I have 3 balls! Victim: Well I have 2, you should probably get that checked.

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What do you call a man with no arms or legs? Whatever his parents named him

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Bob: Why did the chicken cross the road? Angus: To get to the other side... Bob: No. Chickens are unaware of the dangers of the road, and it was ignorant of the oncoming traffic during it's aimless wandering.

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Yo Mama so stupid because she's been addicted to marijuana since she was a teenager, and has lost many brain cells. Resulting in her forgetting simple things like your birthday, her own name, etc. She has also developed lung cancer. She's predicted to die in two months if she continues to smoke as she does now.

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A: I've got a new knock knock jokes! Wanna hear it? B: Yeah. A: Oh you first. B: Knock knock! A: Who's there?

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What do you call an Arab man flying a plane? A pilot.

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HAHA i just read a joke!!! and i liked it! :D to bad you dont know what page it was on... wanna know?... YOUR..... #1 LALALA

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Why was the black guy good at basketball? When buying African American Slaves the masters often sought attributes that would be useful for manual labor such as agricultural work. The slaves who met these criteria had more chances to pass on their better, more beneficial genetic info via sexual intercourse with other slaves. Through many generations the most beneficial traits such as fine motor control in the phalanges and overall strength were passed down. This is very similar to Darwin's Theory of Evolution.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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