What happened when the football player couldn't get his Coke from the vending machine? He got angry.

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What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? Give her a time-out. Throwing sharp objects is not okay.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

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when geese fly in a v formation, why is one side always longer then the other? Because you touch yourself at night...

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What do you call five gay men walking in the same direction? I don't know the usual human does not take note of such circumstance.

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What do you call a fish with one eye? A fish

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How do you circumsize a redneck? Kick his sister in the jaw.

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You know what helps with back pain? If you lick my butt hole.

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doctor , doctor , i feel depressed , we will start you on a course of anti-depressents , vitimins , and daily exercise, make a appointment for next week , and i will referrer you to a phycatrist

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I hated the Reading festival, i'm dyslexic. I hated it because my family died in a housefire while I was there.

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A man goes to the beach to meat babes, but know one seemes to notice him. The man notices another man with a crowed of beautiful women surrounding him. Later that day he stops the man and asks him, how do you get all those girls? the man replies put a potato in your bathing suit. so the next day the man puts a potato in his bathing suit, this time he notices girls walking by and laughing, he goes to the man at the end of the day and asks why it did not work, the man replies, next time try putting the potato in the front

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Q-what did the black man say before he crossed the road? A-i wanna cross the road.

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How many spots does a giraffe have? Depends on the giraffe.

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A horse walks into a bar, the bartender says why the long face? The horse does not reply because it is a horse. He then is confused of where he is and gallops out of the bar, knocking over a couple stools.

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How do you kill a red elephant? You can't red elephants don't exist.

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Chuck Norris goes to the mars to fight the marshuns he then die's soon after because there is lack of oxegen on mars and theres no marshuns.

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I was so fat I went on a diet

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Why can no one in africa read or write? I would asume the lack of public education combined with the fact that setting up an education system for so many widespread remote comunities would be a logistical nightmare. But then again I have never been to africa and know little about the country and so the premise of this joke is probably a dramatic overstatement in the first place.

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Daddy look! Roses! No son, those are rhododendrons... Daddy how do you spell rhododendrons? Uh... never mind son those are roses. So... Daddy how do you spell roses? Son, never mind that is a dog. So daddy how do you spell... SHUT UP! Moral: I put a spell on you.

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What's brown and sticky? A Stick

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What did the psychopath say to the firefighter? Can you lend me a few bucks? My clothes are dirty and I need to go to the launromat.

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Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? At age two, she contracted an illness that left her blind, deaf, unable to speak, and was considered backwards of intelligence. She lived in a dark and hopeless world of her own, rendering her unable to do anything, let alone drive.

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What do you call a Black person in a city with high crime rates? Whatever their name happens to be.

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What happened when the Irish ran out of potatoes? Millions starved.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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