Look whos talking Matt Critchley

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A Dog walks into a bar to order a drink. The bar patrons are at first amused and overjoyed to share their night with a playful pet, until they see that his mouth is foaming and he's already started trying to eat the nearest child. Screams erupt as the bartender calls 911. The dog manages to injure two patrons before he is tazed by the police and taken to be put down. One of the men injured has to have his arm amputated, which is unfortunate for his new career as a heart surgeon. The hospital informs him that they have no choice but to force him to resign, after they hand him his lengthy medical bill. He ends up losing his apartment, and his fiance leaves him for someone more stable financially. The man then drinks himself to death, after attacking and killing a local dog with his one remaining hand. The dog belonged to a new family on the block, whose son had terminal cancer. Due to the cancer, the boy had trouble making friends in a new area, and the dog (Sonny) was his one source of companionship and, by extension, hope. The boy is later admitted to the hospital for breathing problems, and after a 4-hour surgery, is pronounced dead. His attending physician was quoted as saying "He was so close to beating back the infection, but all of a sudden it seemed like he just... gave up." I mean, how was a dog supposed to order a drink in the first place, am I right?

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get in the car.

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Q: Why was the mexican mowing the lawn? A: Because the grass was too tall

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I was watching this one episode of mighty morphin' power rangers ......and i realized i got trapped in the 90's.... THANK YOU BOOTLEG TIME MACHINE FROM .....EBAY......it's always ebay.....

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THUMBS THIS DOWN AND I WILL KILL YOU! TOTAL PEOPLE DIED FROM THUMBING THIS DOWN: 147289347809237489

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why did the man scream? he stubbed his toe on a door

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Q. How do you kill a dumb blonde? A. Shoot her.

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Why did the man jump in front of the car? He was clinically depressed, his wife left him and took the kids, he just lost his job. He thought he saw a 20 dollar bill in the street So he stopped to pick it up, not realizing a car was speeding toward him.

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Why did the ship crash into Italy? Because a woman took over driving it!

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How did the black man get into college? A mop.

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Q: Why did the crazy man stare at the orange juice container? A: Because it started talking.

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A dyslexic man walks into a bra. It was hanging on a clothes line he didn't see.

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Whats the difference between a hoover and a harley? one is a vacuum, and the other is a motorcycle.

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You're so fat, that a picture of you fell off the wall.

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What did the UPS man bring Sara? a box. whats inside it is only Sara's buisness

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why didn't the boy get his soda Because the cashier shot him

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What salad was served in the salad bar on the Titanic? Probably a selection of green leaves, radishes, cucumber, sliced hard boiled egg and cherry tomatoes, topped with cress, mixed seeds and a delicate dressing.

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What's Jewish and gay? Henry Shine

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What's the difference between Dick Cheney and Obama? When Obama shoots someone in the face it's bin Laden.

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What does tupperware and a walrus have in common? they both like a tight seal

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What do you call some one in the middle of the ocean without a boat skrewed.

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Why was the kid hungry? Because he lived in Africa.

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Not lying Red, I have my contacts, I am a "facilitator", I pull strings for my employers, and sure the FBI has me on their files, after all we have cooperated with them. Not because I wanted to, but because its my job, and it helps me use the best of my abilities and limited education (I am technically an educated lawyer, and not an agent).

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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