A brunette is walking up the side of a river. She sees a blonde on the other side. "How did you get to the other side?" asked the brunette. "I used the bridge just a few more kilometers up" the blonde replies.

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one day there was an ugly barnicle. he was SSSOOO ugly that everyone died the end -patrick

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While on a business trip, a Jim got a call on his cell phone. It was his best friend. He was informing Jim of his wife's death in a terrible train crash. She didn't die on impact, but her legs were cut off by metal debris from the train car in front of her. She fought against the pain and used a shirt she found from a dead body to stop the bleeding. She managed to drag herself to the nearest road crossing, where someone drove her to the hospital. Despite her efforts to survive and the surgeons efforts to save her, she died that night as a result of excessive blood loss. After he hung up, Jim turned up the ringer volume on his phone because he couldn't hear it very well when it rang.

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Knock Knock : F*ck im watching porn...

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Why, apples are the optimum environment for the worm species, offering a stable temperature with the efficiency of nutrition and comortable value, therefore in reality finding a worm in your apple is a healthy suggestion that the Global Warming effects on Earth have not yet affected the ever increasing innocent worm population.

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Your mom is so fat, every time she swims in the ocean, north america sinks because of the high water displacement caused by her giant body mass. (V1-V2=m)

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What do fish and shoe laces have in common? nothing.

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What did one wall say to the other? Nothing. Walls can't talk.

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What happens when a black guy roles over a speed-bump? I don't know. I have never tried it

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a blond goes into a taxi, the driver asks where to my friend , the blond says her desired location, gets droped off and trips, falls on her head, suffers major injuries, dies,weeks later the taxi driver drove the family to the funeral, they walk out and one of of them trips and gets back up...

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What did batman say to robin before they got into the batmobile? Get in the batmobile.

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Q: What did the Goth-Punk girl write on her test for the question "What are three kinds of rock?" A: Igneous, Sedimentary, & Metamorphic, She is a 4.0 Geology Major attending a respectable University. She simply chooses to express herself through the musical and clothing trends that emerged in 1970's English underground music. In reality it her personal preferences in the aforementioned areas have no bearing on her intellectual or academic standing.

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Why couldn't the mexican buy a boat? Because he couldn't afford it

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What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable? The wheelchair.

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I really don't care how you dress at my funeral, I'll be dead!

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Why didn't the woman make sandwiches? She was making baguettes.

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What did the cancer patient get for his birthday HIV

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what did the doctor say to the guy with a bullet in his arm you have a bullet in your arm

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What's big and white and will kill you if it falls from a tree? Your mom.

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What Batman Said to Robin before getting into the car? I'll drive.

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Velcro. What a rip off.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because having no sense of hearing or vision she is completely incapable of operating any sort of machinery.

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My grandpa asked me a very important question right before he kicked the bucket. Grandpa: Son, how far do you think I could kick this bucket?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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