Where did Susie go in the bombing? Nowhere. Susie is the bomber.

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Why was the teen boy shirtless? He was mauled by tigers.

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version 2 knock knock, whose there FU CK FU CK who FU CK YOU

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Whats the difference between right and left? I stabbed your mom with my left hand.

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how do you confuse a blond? put them in a circle room and tell them to sit in the corner

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What made the old man laugh? A pile of dead babies.

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Your mom is so skinny that she may have anorexia, yet she could treat it so she doesn't die.

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What did one volcano say to the other? Hey.... wana get some lunch... later, not now of course it's WAAAAY TOO EARLY!

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When I exited the hospital one day, I spotted a sign saying "Come back soon!" Soon afterwards I saw people protesting to ban dihydrogen monoxide. The next day on tv I saw an ad for a solar powered lightbulb. Then I saw a Gun control poster. I cried, this being the dumbest thing I had seen yet, and the world was certainly doomed due to humanity's general stupidity. I saw a chicken crossing a packed road. Why did the chicken feel the urge to cross the road?

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why couldn't Hellen Keller scream when she fell of a building? She was wearing mittens.

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Knock Knock, Who's there? Jim Jim who? Oops, wrong house.

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What's worse than kissy face pictures on facebook? The porn pictures on facebook.

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What kind of cheese isn't yours Nacho Cheese actually it depends on the type of cheese that you stole due to your kleptomania

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How many Jews does it take to bake a turkey using an oven, I don't know but it only takes one Jew to stuff one.

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Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

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And if we met in 1780, I was a white southern aristocratic plantation owner and you were my dark skinned servant lady ... slave Whenever I could get away from the Mrs., I'd go to your shed and then I'd steal you kisses. But let's be serious, I'd still work you full time as a slave, there's a difference between romantic language and a complete disregard for socioeconomic trends.

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What do you get when you cross a train track and a bumpy feild, Further along on your GPS map.

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Your mama is so ugly. But she is still a respected member of the community

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Q: Why did Suzie fall off the swing? A: She had no arms. Knock-knock? Who's there? Not Suzie.

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Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was a terrorist.

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How do you get 100 Africans in a phone box? Throw a can of beans in there.

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i just wrote this so hard

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Q: Why couldn't the man lick his ice cream? A: Because his body shut down due to the fact that a bullet went straight through his brain. This happened before he could even order his ice cream.

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There's my tractor.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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