If I had a dollar for every time i got distracted, I want some ice cream

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Knock knock Who's there? The events which followed are described by police as the August 4th massacre in which a family of five were brutally murdered by two prison escapees who broke into the house in search of a place to hideout.

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What did the orphan get christmas? CANCER

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What do you call a fish with one eye? A fish

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What made people stop likeing Ice tea? Ice-T

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Do you also think Daffy Duck is really attractive when he dresses up like a woman? Yeah, me neither...

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One day, an Irishman, a Jew and an American were walking home from a long game of golf. "God, that was a long game" said the American, to which the Irishman replied "aye, that it was." The Irishman then turned to the Jew, and asked him how he managed to get two birdies in succession. The Jew, after a moment of deliberation, began to explain. "Well, it all began when I was six. See, there was a mountain right next to Casparia, the village I lived for most of my life back in Wales. Every day, I'd come back from school, and ask my dad why nobody ever attempted to scale the mountain. 'To do so would be an unnecessary risk, son, and people are too busy working to put food and water on the tables for their families to undertake something so foolish.' One night, when insomnia was getting the better of me, I decided to get a better look at the mountain, so I strapped on my boots, my fur coat and some woolly mittens and left for the mountain. After a few hours of walking, I approached the closest hill which gave me a perfect view of the mountain's first peak, and there I spotted a polar bear, mauling a hiker to death." The Jew paused to check the Irishman and the American were following, when the American spoke up; "hold on there, there aren't any polar bears in Casparia!" The Irishman also spoke up; "there isn't even a village called Casparia, well, anywhere!" The Jew smiled slightly, and a few seconds later the smile broke out into a gigantic grin, and he finally replied: "exactly".

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So how does the chicken cross the road? He doesn't, chickens live on farms.

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how do you get a clown off a swing i dont know but dont call suzy

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Why did the woman leave the kitchen? She didn't, she's a woman.

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YOUR MUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Why did the blonde walk into the men's restroom? Because the blonde was a man who needed to expel his feculent waste.

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What was the first thing that went through the mind of the first 9/11 jumper? Thank god I only jumped from the first floor.

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What did the man say to the waiter when he was about to tip him? I'm not gay, but $20 is $20.

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What is the difference between a motorcycle and a football? 42, because ice cream has no bones.

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knock knock whos there johovas witness O-0

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Eddie Murphy's recent film career.

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Why did the old man get wet even though he was using an umbrella? Because it didn't save from falling off the bridge.

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There once was a man from Nantucket. He had no distinguishing characteristics whatsoever.

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My daughter is dying of AIDS.

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If it's mid-july and there are flying cows everywhere, how many bacons does it take to impregnate a spaghetti ? 3, because because vases can't swim in the dark.

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Roses come in a variety of colors.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Plants are green because of the high levels of mitochondria in their cells.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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