How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.

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What do skeet disks and Jewish babies have in common? Hitler used to shoot them out of the sky.

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I like my coffee like I like my women. Ground up and in the freezer

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Two men walk into a bar The first man says to the bartender: 'Can I have a glass of H2O?' The second man says: 'Can I have a glass of H2O too?' The Bartender gives them both glasses of water because he is not irresponsible to serve hydrogen peroxide in his bar.

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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man said "he has a pulse". The operator then calmly stated "we are sending a helicopter to air lift him out of there as we speak". The man got helicoptered to the nearest ER, and the doctors did their best to save him. He ended up having to go on life support for three years until his family members finally decided to pull the plug. The medical insurance didn't cover life support and the family went broke because of it.

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Feeling that your friends do not listen to your insightful conversations? BUY A PARROT! Teach it to say "Uhuh", and "Ahah", and "Dats coo!" NOW YOU CAN BE COMPLETELY APRECIATED BY A FUCKING BIRD THAT DOES NOT KNOW WHAT YOU ARE SAYING... ...BUT IS IT... APPRECIATING IT? DUUUUUUUN DUUUUUUUUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN! MYSTERY!

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whos district champs not JM

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What's utter destruction but still has wheels? A car that was crushed at a junk yard, after the Bridgestone tires were removed for another car that could still use them

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What is hotter than a lightbulb. The Sun.

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roses are red violets are blue im in class i shouldnt be on this

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Today my friend was surprised at the black joke I told today, but I can tell that joke because most of my closest friends are white.

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Why did the man stop having seizure? Because his condition was recognized and he was properly medicated.

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Did you hear about the german girl who had sex and died................. it was 50 years later after she had a family of about five kids and lived a happy life as a nurse

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You see this dick stop being a spick now suck on my wee wee u prick

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Whats worse than ten babies stapled to a tree? One baby stapled to ten trees.

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You tell me. I have amnesia.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

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How does Batman's mom call him home for supper? Nothing. Batman's mom is dead.

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What's the Chinese guy's favorite color? Blue.

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Q:Why did the Grape divorce the Prune? A:Because he was tired of Rasin kids! :D

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why did the man take a poo because his rectum exploded

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What's something that really sucks? Having a homicidal cat on your chest.

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A blind woman was watching tv. think about it

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Q: How do you measure a ruler A: You don't.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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