Chuck Norris once starred in a movie with Bruce Lee.

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Knock, knock. Who's there? HIVs.

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Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Susie.

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say cheese

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Your moms so old. She might die soon

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Q: what the apple say to the orange? A: nothing because there fruits and fruits cant talk

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how do you wake up lady gaga? you set her alarm for the intended time

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Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

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A man walks into a bar and at the bar he sees this guy with a blue head. He asks the man with the blue head if he can buy him a drink. The man with the blue head says "sure... you want to know about the blue head don't you?" "Yes i do" "Okay it all starts with a genie, he gave me 3 wishes, the first wish was to have a beautiful wife and a house to put her in, the second wish was for a ton of money, and the third wish was for a blue head."

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What do you call a woman with no arms or legs that fell off a boat fucked

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A:Why did the chicken cross the road? B:To get The Daily.....Do you get it. A:No. B:Me neither..I get The Times.

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What's the difference between a bird and a pool table? Both of them fly, except for the pool table.

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your dad called night and told me your grandpa died.

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what is racecar backwards in reverse

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When would you find a Mexican, Asian, Black and white guy hanging out? Never

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what happens when you and a 6 foot black guy get stuck on an island? hang him by a tree and make shelter

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Why DIDN'T the chicken cross the road? Because 7, 8, 9

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The jets are a good team..

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Why did Darren Wilson quick scope Michael Brown? Because he was being attacked, racism is wrong

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Did you hear about the alter boy that wasn't molested by a priest?

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Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Sarah

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wnna here a joke, toby limbers playing basketball

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What would happend if two nyan cats crashed into each other? It would be a great impact and we'd all be sad.

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What is the difference between a Ferrari and 1,000 dead babies? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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