Haikus are easy But they often dont make sense flying flamingos

thumb_up thumb_down +12

I will see it when I believe it, as far as your order or whatever goes, I have already taken a look, and its nothing for me, you hide behind idealism yet use cruel methods and inhuman tactics in order to justify your means, you hide behind a shell of fucking "charm" and employ people to harass others. YOU ARE NO FUCKING BETTER THAN THE REST! YOU ARE BENEATH ME! As for that sister fucking bullshit, joke is on you, I do not have a sister! I bet that was one of your fucking "Nero`s" all six billion of your fucking personality disorders. Moral: I am the FUCKING MORAL MAN! And while I do not have a sister to rape, ill get down with yours.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What do you call a polar bear in the desert? Bobby Marksson.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Stephen Hawkings viewed porn as a child

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Rabid squirrels attacked Blake's face as winged pickles perched on Phoebe's hair.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Guess what i just did. Master bait.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

happy birthday! Its not my birthday! Oh i just assumed from your smell. That doesn't make much sense does it? It does. No it doesnt. Are you sure? Yes. Oh. Do i smell? Like chickens. Oh. I wish i were alive. What? Bobbing for apples? what? You smell like a toilet seat. Fine! You never spend time with me any more! I dont like you! oh. you know who nobody likes? Who? amanda burchell.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What dog keeps the best time? All dogs will keep reasonably good time as far as their care is concerned, if they have a stable home routine.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Yo momma so fat she should be concerned of contracting Coronary Heart Disease, high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes, abnormal blood fats, metabolic syndrome, cancer, osteoarthritis, sleep apnea, or even obesity hypoventilation syndrome

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What did the black fire-fighter do when the house caught fire? The heroic man ran inside and got every animal and person inside to the out side and then proceeded to extinguish the flames with his fire-extinguisher out, thus saving most of the families valuables. He was then awarded a raise in his salary for his heroic valor. Although any fire-fighter could have done this because of the hard work and dedication that is put into training. So really describing the race that this heroic man is was totally pointless.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

One day a terribly epileptic child is put on on a strict Atkins diet by his loving mother. A week later he finds that the frequency and intensity of his seizures have been reduced by its ketogenic effects, which provides exogenous fats for the body to burn, but limits the available carbohydrate so that ketone bodies build up. It is the high level of these ketones which appear to suppress seizures.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

So, a guy sees a guy, and asks that guy if he's seen a guy who knew this guy who saw this guy who killed this guy, who knew a guy who is Barack Obama's best friend. Oh wait, Barack Obama doesn't have any friends.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

When life gives you lemons, you are most likely in the fruit section of the grocery store.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

One day a child goes to the doctor and says, "it hurts when do this" as he pokes his throat. The doctor, after several well-performed deep tissue testing, diagnosed the child with stage four esophageal cancer. The child cried himself to sleep that night.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Whats black and white and red all over? My wife, i constantly beat her and I should probably be arrested for it if she didnt love me so much

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A psychotic man walks into a pharmacy He buys his weekly medication to control his condition.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What did the man with the gun say to the man without the gun? I have a gun

thumb_up thumb_down +10

your mommas so fat i like fat cows is she home?

thumb_up thumb_down +10

what is big, white, and can't climb a tree? a fridge

thumb_up thumb_down +10

After visiting the dentist, Ke$ha had sixteen cavities because brushing your teeth with bottles of jack causes plaque to build up.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

a horse walkes into a bar... never mind that's just Sarah Jessica Parker

thumb_up thumb_down +10

A man walks into a butchers and asks for a loaf of bread the butcher replies " no im a butcher" The man says " its ok my bikes outside"

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What Batman said to Robin before they got in the car? -Get in the car Robin!

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What did batman say to robin before they got in the car? Get in the car!

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops