Whats better than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown suit

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Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

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What happened to the guy that fell off the building? He hit the ground

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What is green and fuzzy and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? A pool table.

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Why were there only 5,000 Mexicans at the Battle of Alamo? They only had 1250 trucks.

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What's the difference between a Muslim and a box? A box won't blow you up!

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Whats white and all over my room? paint

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When life gives you skittles, throw them at random people and say "taste the freaking rainbow!"

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How many people can you fit in an oven? A: I Don't know ask a holocaust survivor.

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A man sees Bill Murray at a restaurant in Los Angeles and tells his friends about the incident. They believe the story, because it is entirely plausible that it actually happened.

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How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Trick Question. Baby's aren't smart enough comprehend changing light bulbs

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Why did the car slam its brakes on? There was a infant under the bonnet.

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My friend told me to break a leg before the show. I disobeyed him and injured no one. It's just a figure of speech.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Ostrich. Ostrich who? No no I don't have a formal name, I'm just telling you I'm an ostrich.

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Knock knock Who's there? The police. Your husband has been killed in an accident.

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What do a duck and a bike have in common? They both have handle bars except for the duck

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Roses are red My binoculars are blue The curtains are open I see you

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I asked my Grandma if she ever tried 69. And she said, “No, but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could screw in one night.”

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What did Christopher Columbus say to his men before they got on the ship? "Men, get on the ship."

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I asked a Jewish girl for her number. she rolled up her sleeve.

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How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light-bulb? I'm melting!

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Why did humpty dumpty fall off the wall? Because he was pushed.

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Why did the Mxican eat the taco? Because he was hungry,

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What did the cow say to the bull. they had kids because they shared an interest in being silent.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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