I asked a Jewish girl for her number. she rolled up her sleeve.

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Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

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What's the difference between a Muslim and a box? A box won't blow you up!

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Why did humpty dumpty fall off the wall? Because he was pushed.

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Word play, punch-line, joke.

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Whats white and all over my room? paint

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How do u know someones running? They leave this????behind

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A man sees Bill Murray at a restaurant in Los Angeles and tells his friends about the incident. They believe the story, because it is entirely plausible that it actually happened.

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Why did the car slam its brakes on? There was a infant under the bonnet.

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Whats worse than the holocaust? Finding your babies head in a microwave

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Three men walked into a bar. They looked around, saw that it was pretty crowded, and decided they'd feel more comfortable going somewhere a little less busy down the road.

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My friend told me to break a leg before the show. I disobeyed him and injured no one. It's just a figure of speech.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Ostrich. Ostrich who? No no I don't have a formal name, I'm just telling you I'm an ostrich.

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when life gives you lemmons, chuck em' at beiber

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You know you are from New York when you live in Manhattan.

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What do a duck and a bike have in common? They both have handle bars except for the duck

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What did Christopher Columbus say to his men before they got on the ship? "Men, get on the ship."

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What did Jerry Sandusky do when he was alone with 3 little boys? Taught them how to play football.

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Are you a tree? No.

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I asked my Grandma if she ever tried 69. And she said, “No, but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could screw in one night.”

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How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light-bulb? I'm melting!

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Why were there only 5,000 Mexicans at the Battle of Alamo? They only had 1250 trucks.

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Why'd the girl fall off the swing? She had no arms.

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porcupines love sun bathing in the winter months so it dosent rape their nose hairs

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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