What is green, dangorous, slow, defencive, and scared? A turtle with a uzi.

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Where is the center of the universe? There is no center of the universe! According to the standard theories of cosmology, the universe started with a "Big Bang" about 14 thousand million years ago and has been expanding ever since. Yet there is no center to the expansion; it is the same everywhere. The Big Bang should not be visualised as an ordinary explosion. The universe is not expanding out from a center into space; rather, the whole universe is expanding and it is doing so equally at all places, as far as we can tell. In 1929 Edwin Hubble announced that he had measured the speed of galaxies at different distances from us, and had discovered that the farther they were, the faster they were receding. This might suggest that we are at the center of the expanding universe, but in fact if the universe is expanding uniformly according to Hubble's law, then it will appear to do so from any vantage point. If we see a galaxy B receding from us at 10,000 km/s, an alien in galaxy B will see our galaxy A receding from it at 10,000 km/s in the opposite direction. Another galaxy C twice as far away in the same direction as B will be seen by us as receding at 20,000 km/s. The alien will see it receding at 10,000 km/s:

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How do you make a momma bird not fly back to its nest? Burn it down!!

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A man hits a woman while driving. Whose fault is it? The mas. He was out drinking that night and shouldn't have gotten in his car in the first place.

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Patient: Doctor Doctor I think I have HIV! Doctor: Wtf to that one...

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what did the elephant step on when he was running through the jungle? .... a coke machine.

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The Minnesota Vikings won a game.

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....ZZzzzzz.....ZZzzzzz.....

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An unarmed man robbed a bank today, he failed because he had no way of carrying the cash out.

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What's white and bobs up and down in a babies crib? A pedophiles ass.

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Who is Jonathan Ezell He is Jonathan Ezell

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Roses are red, Sometimes they're white. Or pink. Or yellow. There are roses of many colors.

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue No they're not They're purple

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Why couldn't the black man swim? Both of his legs were just eaten by a shark.

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A man goes to the doctor. The doctor says: both your legs are broken in 10 places, you will never walk again.

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How come the blind black guy couldent read because he is dead

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A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks: "why the long face?" The horse replies: "my wife has terminal cancer."

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Why did the chicken get hit by a bus? Because he crossed the road

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What's brown and sticky? A stick

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One day a man was out fishing in the lake. Suddenly, there was a huge fish pulling his fishing pole so hard it almost broke. Luckily, he managed to pull the fish into his boat. It was the biggest fish he had ever caught and he brought it home for his family to see. They were all very proud.

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I like pancakes. I like pancakes. We have no pancakes

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You wanna see my secret freckle? NO! How about my butt? What!!!!!!!

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Yo Momma Is Soooo Fat She Is Highly Obese

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What do you call a muslim in an airplane? Whatever his name may be, though you could, of course, choose not to address him, though if it were a two-seater plane, it would be good manners to exchange polite conversation.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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