If we had some ham, we could have ham and eggs; if we had some eggs.

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Why was the kid picking his nose. Because someone shoved a bomb in it.

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What does a gay horse eat? Low-energy foods should only be fed to horses who are not regularly being worked and participating in high performance. According to the University of Kentucky's College of Agriculture, energy is vital to horses who need to perform their best as it aids many of the body's functions including muscle contraction, respiration and circulation. Only feed a low-energy diet to an idle horse and feed a high-energy diet to an older or sickly horse and to a working horse.

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why was the black man wearing a ski mask? he was skiing.

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A: why did the kid run out of lead B: because his dad broke into his house raped his wife and stoll everything he owned

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What's spongy and smells of treacle? Treacle sponge

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Set an alarm for a reasonable hour.

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Why did Joe wake up screaming? Because his wife cut off his penis.

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Once upon a time, A lonely man was living in the woods. He died of exhaustion, dehydration, starvation, and bacterial infection. The end. Once upon a time, Another lonely man was living in the woods. He built a house, made a well, made a farm, got married, had kids, and had a wonderful life. The end.

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What's worse than a duck with one leg? A nuclear explosion

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One man calls emergency: - Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a condom! After five minutes, the same man calls back: - It is OK, I found another one.

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A black guy and a white guy both get pulled over by a cop for speeding. The white guy is promptly released with a stern warning, whle the black guy is thouroughly questioned and has his car searched for drugs, with the probable cause being that the black guy has bloodshot eyes, reeks of weed and has a bong in his frontseat.

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Knock knock Who there? A mute Bullshit

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Q. What's the difference between a Mcdonalds employee and a gynecologist? A. They have different jobs.

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What color is red paint? Red

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread

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Why did Sara fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock Knock.. Whose there? Not Sara

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Ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass...! I said "ass" a lot, sorry for the language

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Why was the mexican being lazy? Because he lead a very successful life and retired early and now can enjoy the luxury of the finer things in life.

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whats worse than getting the girl you're talking to taken from you? getting the girl you like taken from you.. by a asian.

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a boy walks into the doctors office."my knees hurt...i poked it like this"the doctor says "listen kid...u are a really good kid but u didnt really injure your knee and im sick of you!!"

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Your mamma used to be fat till Slim Fast came out with dick flavor!

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Committing Suicide #YOLO

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What happened to the man that walked into the bar... He walked into the bar

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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