What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding out your boyfriend's gay

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Black Friday

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What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence? About 4:30, unless he's running late, stuck in traffic, had to get gas.

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Don't quote me on this Nero, but she kinda deserves it, she should know better, its not like you have gotten this far by not knowing your limits, even if you tend to break them way too often. Can you get rid of the hallucinations with your mind alone? If not get to sleep asap! And stay asleep for a month or so, and if they somehow cant feed your system intravenously, they can all get the fuck out of there.

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-Why was little Johnny sad? >Why? -Because he had a frog stapled to his forehead.

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Why did the duck cross the road? Because he wanted to. Problem, AntiJoke community?

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what is the difference between joe diragi and jerry sandusky sabdusky only targets human little boys

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I grunt when I poop.

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Knock, knock. Who's there? HIVs.

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What did the skeleton say to the vampire? Nothing because a skeleton wouldn't have a larynx.

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What is E.T. short For? So he can fit on ship

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Why is six afraid of seven? Six isn't actually afraid of seven. It is true that seven devoured nine's carcass, but one has to understand that cannibalism is not a taboo in their culture. It is ignorant and offensive to judge the world of cardinal numbers, where protein is precious and leaving corpses to rot is dangerously unsanitary, by the standards of human societies.

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Nock nock Whos there? The mailman, I have a package for you. Thank you.

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What happens when you shoot a giraffe? It dies.

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Timmy eats 32 cookies and eats 30 of them. What does he have? Type 2 Diabetes.

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What's red and smells like blood? Blood.

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This is a stupid joke. Get it to the top of the list and Kobe Bryant will pass to you.

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A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he'd would like to make a wager. The bartender replies, "no."

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why wouldn't the printer work? because there was an animal in it.

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The hooker walks into a bar wearing a vest and tight denim shorts. A drunken man proceeds in trying to have his way with her. He is thrown out for sexual mis-conduct and is currently waiting for his court date.

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Two cows are in a field. One says to the other, "are you worried about this mad cow disease that's going around?" The other replies, "I'm not worried - I'm a squirrel."

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What would Helen Keller say to Obama? Wow Im really impressed that you are our nation's first black president. You're doing a great job. Except it would come out like DUUUUURNNNNNAFMKAAAALLLL

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You know I can, and I already have, as once the mind knows its getting certain medications, it spends the energy required in order to achieve the effect, this is what psychiatrists and those assholes would call "psychological effect". With that said, I am still tired, and the stimulants are waking up my ouchies too, so I think ill get some sleep and dont worry, I can sleep with any stimulants as long as I can use my mind. By the way, my "hypnosis senses" are not hypnosis by themselves, but in order to hypnotize oneself and other, one must learn to read body language and stuff like that, something which I now do subconciously because I am experienced. Alice is calm again, her hands are shaking but she is cold, I am pretty sure she is far more tired than I am, so I kinda ordered her to go home, this guy can type for me. Just want you to know that I am doing fine now, and that the PTSD is much less severe than before as my brain no longer remembers the voice and looks my parents had back then, so I just feel my nose getting punched and breaking, its... Surprisingly annoying, so ill get some sleep, if nothing else it will help Alice get better, and I wont lie, I need it.

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A man walks into a bar...... He then wakes up in a hospital. along with a large bruise on his forehead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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