A man orders chinese food. His wife says "Honey, where's the cat?"

whats the difference between marmalade and jam? you cant marmalade ur cock up a girls arse

Guess what. Chicken butt.

What did tarzan say when he saw the elephants? Here come the elephants

A man meets the girl of his dreams. Too bad the man will die in 3 days due to terminal cancer

Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

Chuck Norris can count from 1 to 100... twice!

whats long, hard, and full of semen? A submarine

What is the difference between a dog and pile of dead babies? One of them is alive.

what is the difference between a black man and a bucket of shit? The bucket.

What did the cow say to the Businessman? Nothing. Cows cant talk.

How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Sarah, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and even though she is a little sweaty At the moment, you realize what a beautiful woman she really is. You decide to ask her to marry You, and after she says yes, you two make passionate love in the front seat Of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

How do you make a baby float? Two scopes of Ice cream and two scopes of baby.....and the holocaust.

Two men walk into a bar. They get drunk and leave. 2 hours later there's a newscast about two drunken men who died in a car accident. It wasn't them, the newscast about them came shortly after

SCENE: A prirate walks into a bar with the wheel of the ship attached to his pants. BARTENDER: Doesn't that hurt? PIRATE: Aye! It drives me nuts.

i know leaves are green because of chlorophyll but i don't know how to get a mortgage this is the kind if shit your parents pay for

Your mom is so dumb that she doesn't get this joke

KNOCK! KNOCK! who knocks like that? all my friends break the door down...oh alright then ill answer i guess WHO IS IT? THE REAPER oh s*** dude! [panic face] NO ONES HOME? "In other news tonight, 2 local men found murdered in their living rooms, after looking up common joke style called antee joke. Police say the door was smashed in an obvious sign of forced entry. They seem to have just mysteriously had sudden heart attacks and fainted. heh heh...hey nancy....why did the chicken cross the road? [=< heh heh" "y" "because he thouroughly enjoyed darting out into traffic" "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA *GASP!* X.x dead face "NANCY! NANCY!.....well in other OTHER news ive just murdered nancy, and thats no joke." *runs*

3 men are walking down a dirt path. One is a retired member of the US Air Force. The other of the Marines. The last one of the Navy. They are arguing about why their respective section of the military is the best. They lose track of where they're going and fall off of a cliff onto the spinning propeller of a US Coast Guard helicopter.

A blonde walks into a bar. She just graduated university and thought she would celebrate with a beer.

Why did the chicken cross the road? We will never know because he got hit by a car.

why didn't the chicken cross the road. Because it was hit by a truck.

Q: Whats worse than dropping your ice cream? A: Dropping two ice creams. Q: Whats worse than dropping two ice creams? A: The Holocaust. Q: Whats worse than the Holocaust? A: Dropping three ice creams.

roses are red violets are blue you know what? im sick and tired of this joke.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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