Boy: "Mom, I don't want to walk in circles anymore." Mother: "Shut up or I'll nail your other foot to the ground."

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Once upon a time there were three aliens. The first alien landed in a school,The second alien landed in a market, and the third alien landed in a preschool. When the first one landed the teacher asked the students who wants to go to the computer lab,all the students said me! me! me! and the alien learned me! me! me! When the second one landed the businessman asked him what he wanted, and he saw a toy gun and it talks and the gun said gun! gun! gun! and the alien learned it and said gun! gun! gun! Then when the third alien landed one preschooler stole another preschoolers lollipop then he said "He stole my lollipop"! And the alien learned it and said "he stole my lollipop!" Then someone got murdered and the three aliens went there and the murderer detective asked "Who killed that man!" And the first alien said me! Me! Me! "What did you kill him with!" Then the second alien said gun! gun! gun! "Why'd you kill him!" Then the third alien said "He stole my lollipop!" And that's it folks! ????????????????????????????????

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i quit soccer because science happened and then i forgot how to screw in a lightbulb

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Why did the polar bear die? Global warming.

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What is worse than a dead baby nailed to a tree? Obama

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What's black and white and red all over. Nothing, that's a contradiction.

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What did the boy with no legs get for his birthday? Pants.

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What's the best thing about the Pixies? Their music.

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Why did the man stop going to his local doctor? Because they put highly poisen liquids in the shots

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Did you hear the one about the avalanche that crashed into the bar? It was such a tragedy.

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whats red and looks like a bucket? a red bucket.

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What's the difference between Michael J. Fox and a blender? Michael J. Fox is a successful actor starring in many movies, and a blender is a kitchen appliance.

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what's the best way to get your younger sibling to stop being annoying? Shoot Him

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What is brown red and white? I don't know, that's why I asked you

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What's brown and sticky? A stick.

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Why did the Asian woman crash her car? She couldn't see through the slits she called eyes.

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Vagina (Note: If you are gay just move on by.)

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a blonde, brunette and a red head are all goin to jump off a bridge and turn into something. the brunette jumps and says fish, and she turns into a fish. the red head says eagle and bacomes an eagle. the blonde gets a running start, but then trips on the way off and she says shit and turns into shit.

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what did one barstool say to the other what theres a butt on me

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What are you going to get your mom for mothers day? I have two gay dads.

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Why did Old Man Robert fall down the stairs? Someone kicked him down. And then he died.

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Why did Timmy fall down the stairs Because he is blind and I pushed him

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Why did the chicken cross the road? How the hell should i know, i do not speak chicken.

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sorry son your nanas been put down

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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