What did hitler say to the bartender? Nothing he's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What do you call something thats mostly made of wood, big, round and stupid A retarded version of the Knights of the round table

thumb_up thumb_down +23

So I was walking down the road today

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why is Helen Keller a bad driver? Because her inability to see or hear makes her an extremely dangerous road hazard.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One muffin turns to the other and says "Is it hot in here?" The other muffin says "Yes. It feels like 425 degrees."

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Q-What was Hitlers favorite hobby to proceed in when he was sad? A- Manipulating populations and raping,torturing and mutilating the Jewish population.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What is a Mexican's favorite restaurant? While the term "Mexican" encompasses a wide range of individuals and individual predilections, the most common cibarious preference would likely be a food that is reminiscent of his or her homeland; that is, what we refer to as Mexican food. An authentic nearby joint sporting such provisions would likely be the most common preference, but, as this description can only be traced on the local scale, a specific restaurant that covers a wider range of locations would be a more appropriate answer. Among the top choices are Taco Time and Taco Del Mar.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

How do you kill a ninja? Shoot it.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Where do pimps go when they retire? Idaho.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Whats the thing you least expect to find on Anti-Joke? A joke with a punchline.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Knock Knock. Who's there? Nobody, you got ding-dong-ditched

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Roses are grey, Violets are grey, I'm a dog.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What's worse than a dead baby inside a microwave? A microwave inside a dead baby.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Whats sad about 4 black people in a Cadillac going off a cliff? A Caddy fits five.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What do you call a Jew picking up a quarter on the street? A very nice man because a homeless man just dropped that and he was trying to return it. Rob W

thumb_up thumb_down +21

A dyslexic man walks into a bra. He is embarrassed but realises it has nothing to do with his dyslexia.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

You mom is so fat she appeals to my secret fetish.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

A Duck walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'd like to buy some peanuts." The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't sell peanuts." The duck turns around and leaves.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What's black and hanging on a tree in my backyard? Blackberries.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

How many Babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends how hard you throw them

thumb_up thumb_down +21

'Dyslexic man walks into a bar... and orders a pint

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why don't women have breasts? Because they have dandruff. Get it? Hint: "dandruff" = "dan druff"

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why did I write this anti-joke? Because I am generally not that funny.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops