There was an old lady from Ealing Who had a peculiar feeling She lay on her back Opened her crack And pissed all over the ceiling The old lady then lay in her own waste for over two weeks due to neglect by uncaring nursing home staff. Six months later, a hidden camera documentary on underperforming care homes exposed the abuse and neglect and the old lady went to live with her son and his family. In the early hours of May 14th 2011, the whole family were killed in a house fire that gutted the home and saw fires spread to neighbouring houses. Firefighters say the blaze originated in the spare room and was caused by exposed wiring on an electrical blanket. Forensic experts said that the repeated urination on the blanket would likely corrode the wiring due to the acidic content of urine.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Dad: Blind side was the black kid who played tight end. Me: Offensive line. Dad: Sorry, African American kid.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

What did the starving kid say to the starving parent? Pineapple

thumb_up thumb_down -29

What do you call a woman in the kitchen? Her name.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Why don't you throw a rock at a Mexican on a bike? Because depending on the size of the rock, you could seriously injure him.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

What rhymes with Hitler? Walt Disney.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

When he was a little boy, what was Chaz Bono's favorite Cher song? Chaz Bono was never a little boy, he was a girl.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Why did the handicap man scream for help? Because he fell out of his wheel chair

thumb_up thumb_down -31

What do you call a fish with one eye? A fish

thumb_up thumb_down -31

What is red and smells like blue paint? Read paint.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

How do you get 4 Jews in a car? Open the door and tell them politely to get in.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Why did the chicken commit suicide? No one knows, he didn't leave a note.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

What's worse than losing your job? Getting repeatedly hit in the face with a brick after getting fired from your job.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

What does a joke and an anti-joke have in common? Nothing, since "anti-" refers to the opposite of the word that it is modifying.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

hello? knock knock. you called me, why are you saying knock knock?

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Why didn't the disabled kid cross the road? He didn't make it.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

How do you make a tissue dance? Tissues are inanimate objects, they cannot dance and thinking otherwise is foolish.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

The itsy bitsy spider climbed up the water spout. Heavy rain came down and killed him.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Welcome to make your own anti joke! Please use tkeyboard usually available somewhere below this screen.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

What does a black car thief do with a stolen car? Drive it

thumb_up thumb_down -33

What does society have in common with laundry? They both get ruined when you mix colors with whites.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Knock, Knock? Who's there? Boo. Boo who? Why are you crying? I'm not crying. Oh.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

how do you stop a gang of black people from raping a white woman? throw a basketball

thumb_up thumb_down -35

why did radio not get the song? beacause he radio didnt work.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops