Why did Sally fall off the swing? I hit her with a shovel.

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waiter! waiter! theres a fly in my soup! the waiter immediately retrieved a new soup and gave them a 50% discount for the misshap.

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How many light bulbs? 1

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What did the blind guy say when he walked past a fish store? Something smells fishy

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phil - "honey, why is the picture quality so bad" Phil was watching a toaster

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What did the engineer say to the supervisor? Hi.

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a homeless man walks into a bar, the bartender and patrons treat him nicely, and sympathize for his current situation.

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Whats green and has wheels? A Rednecks front lawn.

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What do two siblings have in common? They both want the other to get hit by a bus.

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ur gay

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so dont touch it.

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Q: Why does Bill Gates give so much money to charity? A: Because he wants to improve the lives of his fellow human beings, and also excessive wealth would be detrimental to his children.

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Look whos talking Matt Critchley

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Whats Green and Smells Like Grass? Grass

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Q: What do the Terms of Service say? A: I dont know, I didnt read them.

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If a large bear falls out of a tree, why would a giraffe also eat the cheese?

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How many vampires does it take to change a lightbulb. None, Vampires do not exist

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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A drunk man is that last one inside a very popular bar. He passed out on the counter before he ordered a drink. The bartender is angry at a sale lost, which would have been his millionth sale before closing time on the 1000th day of business. He goes home and hangs himself.

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Q: How do you kill a Brazilian Blind Electric Ray? A: Killing endangered species is a crime.

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The man says to the doctor "Sir, I have contracted a terrible headache." The doctor replies back, "Yes you do."

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What did the 5 cent store clerk say to the customer? That will be 5 cents.

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What is the difference between baldness and boldness? The second letter.

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knock knock There's no door

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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