How do you fit an elephant inside your car?: Starve it to death, then chop it in pieces.

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2 men walk into a bar. 3 come out

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every cloud has a silver lining

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knock knock who's there? it's I, your son. ....... what? dad let me in, it's cold! i don't have a son.... but.... i love you... get off my porch, my son is dead to me. (whimper, fading footsteps)

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I was trying to think of a joke to write, but then I became unsatisfied with my creativity and began to spiral into a depressing tangent of thoughts. I just took 37 Ambien, and have approximately ten minutes to live. Instead, I will spend my last moments writing goodbye messages to friends on Facebook and longingly looking at images of the past. Goodbye, world.

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A married couple is arguing over the temperature in their house. The wife wants it at 62 degrees and the husband wants it at 74. What should they do? Nothing while they are arguing their daughter decides to put it at 32 and freeze them to death

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A zucchini is walking down the street, when he spots a cucumber club on his left hand side. Having nothing else to do he decides to walk in. When he walks into the club all of the cucumbers stop and stare at this strange being in their club. Finally, after having one too many drinks, one cucumber decides that this ridiculousness has gone on long enough and it is up to him to say something, so he goes up to the zucchini and says, "Hey buddy, what's your problem, clearly you are in a cucumber club and you're a zucchini." The zucchini just looks at him, puzzled, and responds " A cucumber club? I thought this was a ucumber club!!!!!"... It's funny because zucchinis are dyslexic.

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Bob: Oh, there was a big surfing competition in Hawaii. Bill: that's really cool. Bob: yeah, there were huge waves up to 53 feet. Bill: Awesome! Bob: Yeah there was a Japanese guy that won. Bill: Wow, that will bring up the spirits of japan. Bob: Yeah, but he got disqualified. Bill: No, how?!?! Bob: he was surfing on his dresser.

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jumping jelly beans theirs a snake in my booties,, ooooooo har har ya ya youve got that one thing baby peace love and applesauce baby!!!!1

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What did the little boy with diabetes get for Christmas? A shot of insulin; just like every other day.

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What's worse then an adult dying A baby dying

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24... wait i thought of something better than 24... let me hear it... 25!!!!

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Roses are red Violets are blue Daisies are yellow Trust me, I'm a florist.

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If a woman was born in China, raised in France and got married and died in New Orleans, what is she? Dead.

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What did the blind, deaf orphan get for Easter? Hepatitis.

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Two Black men, one wearing a blue shirt, and one wearing a red shirt, Jump off a cliff. Who hits the ground first? The one in the blue shirt

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A neutron walks into a bar. He orders a drink and ponders why his mother gave him the name, "A neutron."

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giddy goat

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what do they do to dead Mexicans? skin them and make them in to wet suites.

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whats black and red all over? a chalk board

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Whats bad about a black cop coming to your house? I was having a KKK meeting in the basement.

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What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

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What the small boy with no arms or legs get fro christmas???? cancer

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Whats the difference between harry potter and the Jews? Harry potter could escape the chambers.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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