Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

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Knock, knock. You do realize you can actually physically knock on the door instead of just imitating the sound effect with your mouth, right? It's actually way more effective that way. Just saying, since it's raining outside and you're cold and want to come in...

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What did the little boy with diabetes get for Christmas? A shot of insulin; just like every other day.

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whats black and white and covered in blood Michael Jackson being stabbed

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What did the ocean say to the black guy? Nothing, it just shot him.

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An asian man walks into a bar He buys a drink.

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What do you call Madeline McCann at the bottom of the sea? Drowned Madeline McCann.

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Q: What's circlular and has two hands? A: A skinny person, i was kidding about the circular part!

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A Christian, a Sunni Muslim, and a Shi'a Muslim walked into a government building. Turns out, they were Lebanese, so this was a normal occurrence. Thus, to draw any humor from it before first taking into account the weaknesses of your own government would be both unwise and unfair.

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A zucchini is walking down the street, when he spots a cucumber club on his left hand side. Having nothing else to do he decides to walk in. When he walks into the club all of the cucumbers stop and stare at this strange being in their club. Finally, after having one too many drinks, one cucumber decides that this ridiculousness has gone on long enough and it is up to him to say something, so he goes up to the zucchini and says, "Hey buddy, what's your problem, clearly you are in a cucumber club and you're a zucchini." The zucchini just looks at him, puzzled, and responds " A cucumber club? I thought this was a ucumber club!!!!!"... It's funny because zucchinis are dyslexic.

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Why was the black guy charged for murder? He killed his wife.

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I don't know what was a bigger disappointment, the series finale of "Lost" or--sorry I thought I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket.

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Knock knock who's there? the police, your under arrest the police your under arrest who? BAM! sir, I'm placing you under arrest for the murder of your wife, anything you say or do can be used against you. IT WASN'T ME!!!! yeah yeah tell it the judge

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Haikus are easy. but sometimes they don't make sense. refrigerator.

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What do you call a deer with no eyes? Blind.

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What was Dillon's old name? Dillon, I lied about the old name part.

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Q:what do you do when a black guy is drowning A:you dont

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I just witnessed a horrible accident today! It was like a silent movie, but with SOUND!!!!

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Nothing

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Whats the difference between a black man and a paraplegic? A paraplegic doesn't walk out on his family

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you're mommas so fat that her doctor says she is morbitly obese and may die of a heart failure later in life

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A doctor walks out of the delivery room and relieves A nervous father, telling him that his new baby girl has just been born with great health. The father sighs in relief as happiness overwhelms him. With such great news, the doctor chuckles and continues on with the rest of what he had to relay to the father. Your wife died during the delivery.

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How do you scare a Jew Hold your lighter up and blow out the flame and I've toward him real slowly and see how much drama he'll cause

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What does a joke and an anti-joke have in common? Nothing, since "anti-" refers to the opposite of the word that it is modifying.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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