Dad: Blind side was the black kid who played tight end. Me: Offensive line. Dad: Sorry, African American kid.

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What do you call a woman in the kitchen? Her name.

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What did the ocean say to the other ocean? - nothing oceans are inanimate objects that are incapable of talking.

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There was an old lady from Ealing Who had a peculiar feeling She lay on her back Opened her crack And pissed all over the ceiling The old lady then lay in her own waste for over two weeks due to neglect by uncaring nursing home staff. Six months later, a hidden camera documentary on underperforming care homes exposed the abuse and neglect and the old lady went to live with her son and his family. In the early hours of May 14th 2011, the whole family were killed in a house fire that gutted the home and saw fires spread to neighbouring houses. Firefighters say the blaze originated in the spare room and was caused by exposed wiring on an electrical blanket. Forensic experts said that the repeated urination on the blanket would likely corrode the wiring due to the acidic content of urine.

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The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action

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Knock knock Who's there A girl scout A girl scout who? A girl scout trying to sell cookies to support her alcoholic parents who beat her

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Why did the handicap man scream for help? Because he fell out of his wheel chair

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Why don't you throw a rock at a Mexican on a bike? Because depending on the size of the rock, you could seriously injure him.

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When he was a little boy, what was Chaz Bono's favorite Cher song? Chaz Bono was never a little boy, he was a girl.

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What do you call a bad anti joke? And anti joke

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why did the chicken cross the road? cause kade touches himself at night

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What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything.

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What's worse than losing your job? Getting repeatedly hit in the face with a brick after getting fired from your job.

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Why did the chicken commit suicide? No one knows, he didn't leave a note.

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Yo mamas so ugly that when she looked out the window, she was arrested for mooning.

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Why didn't the disabled kid cross the road? He didn't make it.

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Welcome to make your own anti joke! Please use tkeyboard usually available somewhere below this screen.

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What does a black car thief do with a stolen car? Drive it

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The itsy bitsy spider climbed up the water spout. Heavy rain came down and killed him.

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What does a joke and an anti-joke have in common? Nothing, since "anti-" refers to the opposite of the word that it is modifying.

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What is red and smells like blue paint? Read paint.

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Knock, Knock? Who's there? Boo. Boo who? Why are you crying? I'm not crying. Oh.

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What follows 2 days of rain? Statistically more rain, but you'll have to check the weather report to be sure.

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Why is a chicken coupe, a coupe not a sedan? Because a sedan would have four doors.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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