How much does a polar bear weight? The average male polar bear weights about 1500 lbs (680 kg)

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Why did the boy throw the clock out the window? He was severely depressed.

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5 little monkeys jumping on the bed. one fell off and bumped his head. momma called the doctor and the doctor said "your son is now a vegetable. he can no longer use his brain for things such as moving, talking, or eating. you are going to have to take care of him for the rest of his life. it is also going to be a burden on you and your husband because taking care of someone in this condition is very expensive, and could end up costing thousands of dollars each year."

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Knock knock whos there? I have no anus

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know whats funnier than 24? 25.

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A black man walks into a bar and is proptly told to leave. He proceeds to sue the bar owner, then buys the bar and turns it into a community center that helps at risk children.

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"Want to hear something ironic?" ...he said to the deaf man.

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Q.Why did the boy fail to complete his homework? A. He was a loaf of bread

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What do you call a building full of black people Jail

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Why did the italian go to jail? because he had just robbed a bank and then brutally murdered his wife and kids.

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Q. What's green, has wheels and flies? A. A garbage truck.

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- I got kicked out of the library today. - why? - because I put the women's rights book in the fiction section

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Why did the black homeowner default on his house? He was paying significantly more in mortgage than the actual market value of the home, since he purchased his property before the housing bubble. He carried out a cost/benefit analysis and derived the conclusion that he was effectively destroying his own wealth by paying his mortgage bills.

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A Jehovah's Witness knocks on my door. I didn't answer the door.

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A guy was beet by his wife.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it had been used as an ingredient in kung pow chicken and was on it's way via delivery boy to the house that had ordered it for a lovely evening meal

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How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? Physical abuse.

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What did the man without a tongue say...

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What's green and fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree it could kill you? A Pool Table.

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What's black, white, and red all over? A zebra that's been brutally cut open.

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what has four wheels and opens using a key? -a trunk on wheels

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You make me believe in myself, after all, it takes one to know one, I just wonder what I am, what are you?

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A man is walking down the street when he stumbles upon a school, every school in the area had an American flag outside it, so he sees the flag and atop this flag a man is sitting and he doesn’t look comfortable. Next to the flag pole is a chair with a flag attached to it and the wind is as strong low down. So he looks at the man and says "Sir I think you may be using those wrong." The man on the flagpole says "why?" So he says well this chair is flat and made for sitting and this flag pole has a draw string for the flag. The man atop the flag pole says "I'm sure good will come of this…..im sure." the man says "What good could possibly come of this!" and the man on top of the flag pole looks at him and says "Later……………..you can tell this story to your friends and disappoint them when they find out theirs no punchline."

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Why was the Microsoft fan happy? Because Steve Jobs died.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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