I really don't care how you dress at my funeral, I'll be dead!

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Knock Knock. Whose there? The Police, you wife died in a car accident.

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How do you shoot a basketball? With your hands

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The man says to the doctor "Sir, I have contracted a terrible headache." The doctor replies back, "Yes you do."

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A white person went to see Think like a Lady by Steve Harvey.

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Knock, knock ... ... No one answers the door because knocks produce a quieter sound than a doorbell and the residents of the house are upstairs watching a movie.

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There were 3 children: Flower, Petal and Fridge. Flower asked, "Mum, why is my name Flower?" to which she replied "Because a flower was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Petal asked, "Mum, why is my name Petal?" to which she replied "Because a petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Fridge said, "Herp derp dur" to which Fridge's mother replied "Shut up, Fridge."

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A zen master walks up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything." The vendor says, "Sorry, we're out of relish." Then the zen master tells him, "Sir, I don't think you get the joke. As you can see by my long silk robes and fu manchu, I am clearly a zen master. And I have used a pun that would make you think I were asking for enlightenment from a hot dog." The vendor then says, "We don't take too kindly to wise guys here." And then the prick gets up and tosses me into the street!

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I once met with Mahatma Gandhi and he said to me "Child, why do I walk this earth?.. What is the meaning of my living?.. Why am I alive?" and I bowed in respect of his wisdom and said "I don't know. Why do you?" and he said "I don't I'm dead."

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when the teacher asked jimmy if he was a girl jimmy felt very scared because his teacher had no mental problems.

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A dog, a cat, and a a fish were having a conversation while their owners were away. Ashton Kutcher is a murderer.

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Yo mama's so poor, she doesn't have a lot of money.

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Why was the boy hit by a bus? Because the driver is a homicidal sociopath.

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What happens when three drunk men are driving 80 miles off of a cliff. They all die on impact from the great fall and their family's mourn over their deaths for years to come.

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Why is Michael J. Fox unable to build domino chains? He only has one domino.

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what is orange? an orange

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Why did the little girl fall off of the swing? Because she has no arms. Knock, knock. Who's there? Not her.

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Why did the Mr. bunny play the piano? - His wife Lannette was ill, and her last wish before she died was for him to.

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Roger D. ASS , stops, has a ponder , and walks out of a s.t.i clinic ,without being seen

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whats more serious than rape the holocaust

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What's inside that man's house? Atoms.

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What's green and fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? A pool table.

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What kind of people have fat lips? People who have gotten punched in the lip or have suffered a serious lip injury that has caused their lips to swell up.

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What Do You Call a Black Man With a Gun?? A Cop

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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