What do you tell someone who says they are contemplating suicide? where to find some cheap cyanide

thumb_up thumb_down +26

When is a door not a door? Never, a door is an inanimate object and is thus incapable of transforming.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Two twins are born only a minute apart. There is a mistake at the hospital and they are seperated. Years later they reconnect on Oprah and realize they do not have much in common.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Religion.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

I remember my grandfather's last words he said to me before he kicked the bucket...."Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Roses are red, Violets are blue, sorry i gave you Herpes type 2.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Real Joke: The US Air Force operates Seymour Johnson Air Force Base. It is named for a seaman. Go look it up.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

How did the blonde burn her ear? In a terrible accident involving molten lava.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why is a charlie horse called a charlie horse? Well there was this boy charlie and he had a horse and it died in a fire.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Guns dont kill people...whoever pulled the trigger kills people

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Two hippos are in a lake with water up to their eyes. One of them then says, "i keep thinking it's tueday"

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why didn't Jimmy ever get his butt of the couch? His butt was nailed to it and he was also dead. Why didn't his parents save him? they died before he did.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

http://anti-joke.com/anti-joke/popular/a-paper-cut-is-a-trees-last-revenge

thumb_up thumb_down +24

How do you make an electrician cry? You kidnap him and his mother, tie them both to chairs in your garage, and force him to watch you stab his mother repeatedly in the face while laughing and licking up her blood and tears. Then cut his arms and legs off, lock him in a cage with his mothers body, and go in there everyday and eat a delicious meal while watching him starve to death next to his dead mother.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

A dyslexic man walks into a bra!

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What do you call a blind man on a jet ski? Dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? a lot.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

WNBA

thumb_up thumb_down +24

i just got all five seasons of big bang theory in the mail for xmas... i'm divorcing my wife.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why was 9 afraid of 10 because 10 was a registered sex offender

thumb_up thumb_down +22

How do you blind fold an asian? Dental floss!

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why did the black guy not tip his pizza driver? Because he didn't order pizza.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Do you know what it looks like when you put a cat in the microwave for 3 minutes? I don't know either because I close my eyes when I masturbate.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

I slipped and fell in the shower today. Good thing my dad caught me

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops