A man walks into a bar with a pack of Marlboros and promptly starts to light a cigarette. The bartender rushes over to stop him. "Hey! We don't allow smoking in here chump! Take it outside." The man replies with a big grin on his face. "Oh no sir. These ain't no ordinary cigarettes. My granddad gave me this pack a decade ago on his death bed." He pulls it out and shows the bartender 19 stale smokes. "He told me that any who took a single drag off any of them would have their biggest wish come true." the man recalled. The bartender had a perplexed look on his face and yelled "What the f*** are you talking about? Get out of here before I curb check your a**!" The man was then hastily escorted out by security. He then died 4 days later from autoerotic asphyxiation.

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How many Catholics does it take to change a light bulb? None. They use candles

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An owl and a squirrel are sitting in a tree, watching a farmer go by. The owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing, because owls can’t talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because it’s a bird of prey.

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What's worse than finding a dead baby in a dumpster? Recognizing the baby as your missing child, and finding the corpse of your dead wife next to it.

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what did the teacher say to his student? do your work.

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What's funnier than a fat person falling nothing is

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Hello everyone, if you couldnt tell, the most popular joke was removed because it wasnt even an antijoke, if you have a joke that isnt an antijoke, post it somewhere else, if you dont know what an antijoke even is then get the f*ck out, thumbs up if you agree with me

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How many babies does it take to paint a wall red? Well babies don't have the strength or coordination to hold a paint brush, so you may need to call some painters.

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What did the boy with no arms, no legs, and cancer get for his birthday? AIDS

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whats worse then girls playing sport ? girls cutting grass

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5

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Life is like the Titanic. You cruise along on course and everything is great -- until you hit an iceberg and 1,517 people die.

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What did the Jew do before the movie? He turned off his cell phone.

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Knock, Knock Who's there ? So So who? No, So Lee

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Where do you find a vegetable? Where you left him

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Me-Whats long and hard and full of seaman Him-a submarine Me-No dumb ass a dick

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Why did the man talk to the potato? Because hes stupid.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "Why the long face?" The horse says "I have Cancer."

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Cripples are lame.

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knock knock no ones home

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besides saying "Oh, Yeah" and punching down walls, what does the kool-aid man do? drink cool aid

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What happened to the man who sat outside in the sun too long? He died of skin cancer.

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my gramma died

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Teagan Doherty, stop making jokes, thanks

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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