Your mama is so....well we've been friends since childhood and I know your mother passed away recently. So, as to refrain from being an insensitive jerk to a good friend. I will tell this joke to someone with a mother who is fat, dumb, lazy, ugly, or has a combination of these traits. Or has none of these and happens to be a nice lady with a son/daughter who just enjoys a good mama joke.

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Knock, Knock. Who's there? No reply cause Kyle got knocked out by the door.

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Why did the fish swim away from the boat when the fishermen put him back in the water? Because he obviously wasn't gonna get back in the boat.

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Why was the Mexican sleeping? He wishes to decrease his risk of motor vehicle accidents.

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Do you ride the bus to school or do you take your lunch?

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What's the difference between victims of Brady and Hindley and a pile of dead babies? Some were born dead and the others were raped then killed.

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Q: Why did the Japanese man fall off the cliff? A: He was pushed

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Knock knock Who's there? Doorbell repairman

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Hillary Clinton

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Why is America so great? Because the continent is really large.

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Q: What's long and gray and kills people? A: A gas pipe.

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A little boy ran to the pool to see how long he could hold his breath. He slipped and fractured his skull.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? She is a woman

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Q.what does the kid scream when he see's a creepy man in a big van pull up? A. ICE CREAM!

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What do you call a dragon with no wings? A komodo dragon

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Why did Li Chong get an A on his math test? He studied.

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Who has big eyes, big ears, and a big mouth? The witness I'm about to murder so he cannot testify against me. Wish me luck.

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A. Do you know the best part about Anti Jokes? B. No

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what's black and white? everything. i'm a dog

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Q: What's worse than your parents dying in a car crash? A: You were in the backseat and saw your mother plead your father to slit her throat witht he broken glass because her legs were brushed and a windshield wiper was shoved in her kidney. As you stared on in pure horror, your father did as she asked with much contemplation. An ambulance arrives moments later. In the hospital, you tell your dad that you hate him for killing mom. You run away and he dies overnight due to heart failure. Yo suffered paralysis and now and are confined to a wheelchair for the rest of your natural life and are sent away to a born-again foster care home where you are never adopted.

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How do you make a homeless person cry? cut an onion in front of him.

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What did the French-Italian couple name their child? Angelo Pierre Smith, giving tribute to the father's uncle Angelo, and the mother's great-grandfather, Pierre.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side

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A man is sitting at a bar. He stands up and goes over to these bikers playing pool. He then walks over to the bartender and says "I bet you three hundred dollars that I can pee in that bottle over there." The bartender looks at the bottle and sees there is a good five meters between the two. The bartender then agrees. The man takes out his penis and begins to pee. His pee stream goes everywhere on the bar, on the cash register, and espicially on the laughing bartender. It goes everywhere except inside the bottle. The man finishes and zips his pants. He then smiles at the bartender while handing him three hundred dollars. The bartender asks "why are you laughing you lost three hundred dollars?" Which the man replies "See those bikers by the pool table laughing?...I bet them five hundred dollars each that I could pee on your bar, on your cash register, and on your face and you would laugh and be happy." The bartender then reached under his bar and toke out his bat. He then continued to break the mans knees and then perceeded to pee on his bruised and battered face.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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