what did the man with no arms and no legs get for christmas? a new hat

thumb_up thumb_down +47

What do a duck and a bicycle have in common? They both have handlebars, except for the duck.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

Why did John go outside? His house was on fire.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

Why did the blonde have the biggest tits in 3rd grade? She's 21

thumb_up thumb_down +45

What did the passive-aggressive woman do to her husband? She killed him. As it turns out, the slight passive-aggressive behavior she was showing was actually an early warning sign of a dangerous sociopathic mental disorder. The authorities are looking for her as we speak and will have her institutionalized as soon as they find her.

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Why does an actor enjoy his work so much? Because it’s all play.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Man 1: WHAT THE HELL?!?! Man 2: There is no verb in that sentence

thumb_up thumb_down +41

What do you call a black man who goes to college? A scholar.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

I came home from my doctor`s appointment today, I told my sister that I was diagnosed with The Super rare "Spontaneous Erections Syndrome" (S.E.S) a very rare disease that can seriously impair the victims life in general, especially the social life, as symptoms may show themselves even among friends, pets, grandmas, enemies, and even close family! She told me that everybody knows I a just a kinky pervert with bulge so big it scared girls away instead of attracting them. Excuse me, what the hell is patient confidentiality good for if my doctor is going to call my sister and tell her everything she said to me afterwards?!

thumb_up thumb_down +41

What do you call a young child being beating to death with a spiked club? Arousing.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

What d u tell Simba when he's moving to slow? Muvasa

thumb_up thumb_down +41

What do you call 500,000 white guys jumping out of a plane? There's no such thing. 500,000 people can't fit onto one plane.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

who's that hot blonde at the disco? your mother.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

What do you call a black guy driving a bus? A bus driver

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Twenty-Four

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Two scientists are experimenting with sulfuric acid. One scientist says to the other, "Did you see the new intern?" In the process of turning to face the first scientist, the second scientist knocks the beaker over and spills sulfuric acid all over the first scientist's hand. The first scientist writhes in pain as the second scientist rushes to find a strong base to neutralize the burn. After a few minutes, the first scientist is rushed off to the emergency room and suffers from some serious chemical burns.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

If the red house is made out of red bricks, the yellow house is made out of yellow bricks, and the blue house is made out of blue bricks, what is the greenhouse made of? Ah, I see what you did there. You are expecting me to follow the sequence based on how each house is made out of bricks the same color as their title. However, I am one step ahead of you and I know that the greenhouse is made out of glass panels. But what if it were made out of green glass panels? Then, I suppose, the sequence could continue naturally yet we still have a problem of units - bricks vs. glass. Quite the dilemma we are facing.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idear.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

How do two blondes stay alive at the bottom of a pool for 30 minutes? They don't and they died.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

what does the NAACP stand for? Now Apes Are Called People.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Why is Santa fat? Because the apples are red.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

What do you call a man with no arms or legs in the middle of a lake? Dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

What did the explorer say to the new species Oh look it says squirtle let's call it squirtle Oh look it say woof let's call it poochyena

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops