What has 9 arms and sucks? Def lepeord

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What's brown and green, has six legs and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? A pool table.

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What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot.

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what did the cheese say to the other cheese nothing cheese can't talk

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What is big, red, and eats rocks? A big, red, rock eater!

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Women's rights

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What is 0% sugar, 100% pure, 150% hyperbole, 90% bug-free, has 4815162342 lines of code, autonomous, is awesome, bigger than a breadbox, bread is pain, is bringin' home the bacon, classy, doesn't use the U-word, deja vu, deja vu (oh wait a moment), does barrel rolls doesn't avoid double negatives, doesn't bother with clones, Engage!, Enhanced!, Euclidean!, Excitement!, Exploding creepers, Finally complete!, finger-licking, full of stars, funky LOL, GOTY, Give Us Gordon, Indev, Ingots, and has an End? Minecraft!

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A man is about to rape a girl. Before penetration he carefully and correctly applies a condom as he practices safe sex and is not yet ready to father a child.

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Axel? Its Eliza, is that you? You alive again? I don't want to be no successor of anything, but thanks I guess. Neo-Nero has not shown up since you returned, I think he isn't very proud of himself and wont be a problem here on forward. He did push me aside, but now that you are alive, I wont even consider the thought of you "dying again" and unless you are dying or seriously ill, I don't want to hear anything about it. Seriously, how bad are you doing? Physically I mean? I am relieved, I mean we all thought you where dead.

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A black man logs on to facebook. He checks his news feed then logs off

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A man goes to an amusement park. He heads straight for the roller-coaster and gets in line. When he gets to the front, the ride operator informs him that he is too short to ride. "You must be at least 48 inches, sir, you just barely miss the mark, I'm sorry, I can't let you ride." The man is sad, but he doesn't let this little discrepancy ruin his day. He then gets in line for a different ride.

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What do you call a black person flying a plane? A pilot

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Why did the chicken cross the road? ....Because based on modern mathematics the shortest distance between two points is a straight line.

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Why did the lights turn off? Because I turned them off.

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say cheese

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Two blondes get in a taxi. Who's driving? The taxi driver.

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What's worse than a baby in a blender? Two babies in a blender

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There are two blonds in a car, the driver to looks to the other blond (carelessly taking in her surroundings) They crash and the passenger is grusomely killed to the point of not being recognized and the driver later commits suicide from the guilt and pending law suit.

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so a mom is like so what you want hunny and the dad goes like you baby bahahahahaa get it?

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Would anyone like to contribute to my slush fund?

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How do you suppress a black hole? Surround it with white holes

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Why do Native Americans own Casinos? Because it's a very profitable business situation.

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Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven had herpes.

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What's behind Chuck Norris' beard? His chin

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops