What do you do when your speeding and a cop is right behind you? make a complete stop and hope for the best

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A momma cow was grazing in the meadow with her three calves when the first one asked, "Mom, how did I get the name Rose? "Well when you were born, a rose pedal came floating in the breeze and landed on your head." The second calf asked, "How did I get the name Daisy?" "Well when you were born, a daisy came floating in the breeze and landed on your head." The third calf mumbled, "LKJLSKJFSLKJLKSJDF" incoherently, and the Mom responded, "Shut up, Cinderblock."

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Q. how do you get 50 babies into a bowl? A. blender Q. how do you get them out of the bowl? A. Doritos

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A man knocks on a wooden door. A woman says who is it?

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Doctor: I bring grave news. Your wife is dying. She won't survive for another 100 years. Concerned and anguished Husband: Oh... that's ok! Doctor: Oh did I say years? I meant days! Oh the mirth! *The doctor breaks down into hysterical laughter, which the Concerned and Anguished Husband is furious to see, as the Doctor is taking delight out of such a grave situation.

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If life hands you lemons you're probably a hippy because you know someone named 'life'

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- Knock knock - Excuse me, I don't have time, my house is on fire ! - We're the firemen.

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Ask me if I'm a grapefruit. Are you a grapefruit? No.

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Could switching to Geico really save you 15% or more on car insurance? Yes.

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Why Was Mary Short? She Had No Legs.

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Rudolf the rednosed reindeer died today. He was reported flying over Madrid when he was hit by a jumbo jet and a flock of seagulls. People are now saying that the reindeer in Spain was hit mainly by the plane.

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What do you call a Chelsea fan on the moon? You don't call him anything... You call for help.

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What do you all a dead black man? A corpse.

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What do you call a tall midget? Well tall is a relative term so a midget may be considered tall compared to something or someone shorter. Say if a midget was compared to a baby he/she would be considered tall, considering the baby's small height. However midgets are looked at short by most people who are taller than them because of their physical problem that they can do nothing about.

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Why did the clown go to jail? For 23 charges of rape and murder.

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what do you call 10 dead babys lunch

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pee

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yo mama so fat that when she jumped on her tempurpedic mattress the wine did spill

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Why did the robot cross the road? Because it was a banana.

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A: you have a strong arm. B: yea i work ou- A: you can master bate a whale.

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A man goes and buys a head of cabbage. The cabbage had a worm in it. When the man saw the worm, he threw out the cabbage and bought a new one the next time he went to the grocery store.

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what sad about 4 mexican dieing in a car crash??? My car

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Nyan cat had pancakes for breakfast.

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Wat did the man say to the other man when they were alone. We dont know. They were alone.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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