learn the ropes?

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What's blue and smells like red paint. ............blue paint.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

You know what they say about big feet... Wow, those are some big feet.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

How do white people screw in light bulbs? They read a manual.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

A man had a blue hat, a yellow hat and a red hat. This man has three hats.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

its my money!, but i dont need it right away

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Susan boyle has a belly button, Simon has a belly button, Because its only normal.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

I had a really funny joke about a dead baby...but I threw it out

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What do you call a dolphin that drives a Mercedes Benz? Nothing. Dolphins can't drive.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What is worse than finding an Apple in your Worm? Watching your dog jumping of a cliff

thumb_up thumb_down +23

How did the blonde get blood on her Ipad? A terrible paper cut.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A blond, brunette, and red head jump off a building. Who hit the ground last? The red head because she was last to jump.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Knock knock. Who's there? Heisenberg...

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A Guy walks into a bar Ouch

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What do you call a fat kid? I don't know...you tell me

thumb_up thumb_down +23

If you are American when you walk into a bathroom and American when you walk back out, what are you when you are inside the bathroom? You're probably dispelling waste products from your body.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One muffin turns to the other and says "Is it hot in here?" The other muffin says "Yes. It feels like 425 degrees."

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A priest and rabbi walk into a bar, they order a few drinks, then call a cab to go home.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What do a squirrel and a cucumber have in common? They both cant ride bikes

thumb_up thumb_down +21

I had sex with your mom. It was f*cking terrible.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What happens when you feed a Mini-horse a Happy Meal? If it doesn't die choking on the plastic toy included in the meal, It will most likely develop a terminal case of horse diabetes and suffer through a slow painful dying process.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Knock, Knock Come in

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What's the difference between jam and jelly? Jam is slightly more viscous and may contain bits of fruit.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops