Everytime God shuts a door, he opens a window, at the 122th floor of a skyskraper.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What did Hellen Keller name her dog? Her parents named it Spot; Hellen Keller isn't able to speak due to her handicapped muteness.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Whats red and hurts your teeth? A brick

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What do you call a man with a towel on his head? A good target.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What do a book and a tractor have in common? Both are for driving, except the book.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

knock knock. who's there? Alticka Alticka who? Alticka pudding cup.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Q: Ask me how far have you gone with a girl? A: Mexico

thumb_up thumb_down +6

HURT

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Yo mama is an upstanding member of her community.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Tom buys his wife Mary the latest Eco friendly car. The car is said to get well over 100 miles on a tank of gas. A week later, Tom is stunned to learn that while Mary was driving to the supermarket the car ran out of gas. The tank was full and Mary only drove 5 miles. How is this possible? Mary was involved in a horrible car accident. The gas tank immediately emptied and set fire to Mary and her baby.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What did the boy with no arms, no legs, and cancer get for his birthday? AIDS

thumb_up thumb_down +6

So you are "The Nero" are you not? How ironic... ...I got nothing on you, let me ask you however, why did you quit the underground society? What changed your lifestyle so much? I mean I accept that you did not do it out of fear or cowardice, but why did you leave it up to the rest of us to try to hold together the last remains of freedom and social information? What? To use your techniques in order to entrance people into buying your books? How is that so different? I am not saying that I consider your methods lesser, because nobody here does, but if you can explain how this makes you better, I would appreciate it, I am certain that most people would.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What's pink fluff? Pink fluff. What's blue fluff? Pink fluff holding it's breath. What's red fluff? Angry pink fluff. Ask me if I'm a truck. Are you a tr-- No. What's green and has wheels? Grass. I was just lying about the wheels. What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding half a worm in your apple, 'cause the other half's in your mouth. What's worse than finding half a worm in your apple? Angry pink fluff. What's worse than angry pink fluff? The holocaust. That's not funny. Stop laughing.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? First of all, babies do not have the physical ability or the mental capacity to ever paint a wall, no matter how many of them there are. Second of all, they are dead which probably will not increase their chances of painting said wall.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How do you make a homeless person cry? cut an onion in front of him.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Doctor, I am afraid of doctors, I dont even dare seek them up. Janitor: Thats quite apparent... Dr.Moral:

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What's the difference between 31 dead hookers and a Lamborghini? One is a traumatizing tragedy that left at least 31 poor families mourning for their loved ones, whom were only trying to make a living in what is a terrible economy and were unable find a better job, and the other is an overpriced sports car.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Three guys went barhopping. One slipped and broke his dick.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What do you call a dragon with no wings? A komodo dragon

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Whats the difference between a house and a truck? Ones a truck the other one is a house

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How do you fit 4 homosexuals onto a barstool? You make the barstool wider allowing for all the men to sit more comfortably on top of the stool.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the little boy get food poisoning? Because his family can't afford to buy organic food, and can only afford McDonald's burgers, where their cows are forced to stand in their own feces.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Q: Why can't Eric drive a car? A: Because Eric is a rock

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How do you make a baby be quiet when it is crying? slowly choke it to death

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops