- Anti Joke

what do you call a man with no friends? it's because of all the wear and tear that's done to the socks being thrown in her, and she desanitizes only the nun with no forebeard

A man goes to an amusement park. He heads straight for the roller-coaster and gets in line. When he gets to the front, the ride operator informs him that he is too short to ride. "You must be at least 48 inches, sir, you just barely miss the mark, I'm sorry, I can't let you ride." The man is sad, but he doesn't let this little discrepancy ruin his day. He then gets in line for a different ride.

Why did the Jew rob the bank? -He was a criminal.

IF YOU ARE A GUY: Think about a really hot girl. She has the perfect chest, amazing face, blonde hair, and looks flat out stunning. She takes off her shirt which is very appealing and causes for you to get excited because you might get lucky. She takes off her pants, or skirt depending on the choice that you decided upon when imagining this girl, and is walking towards you in nothing but a bra and panties. She continues to take off her bra and gets on top of you. You passionately kiss and afterwords she whispers in your ear, "are you ready for some of this?" you nod your head and she proceeds to remove her panties. Let's freeze this situation for a moment. Assuming that you would ever be in a situation like that there has to be a catch right? A hidden camera, her husband comes home, a rabbid zombie crashes through the door...something. I am happy to tell you that there are no worries about this because nothing will stop you from making sweet and beautiful love to this woman. So let's get back to the scenario. You not your head and quickly tear off your clothes and begin exploring her body. Now turn her 64 and give her a penis with an amazing amount of pubic hair, make her fat, and submit to this manlady. You ask how this happened? Earlier that evening you took a particularly large amound of LSD, or acid if you prefer, and began tripping out. You began seeing ugly people as hot people, and hot people as ugly people. Your friends were concerned because you were hitting on a tree and started humping it at which you were removed from the party by your date who just so happened to be a fat and ugly hermaphrodite who repeatedly raped you and made you cry in submition to her kinky tactics. Drugs are bad, but they make for interesting stories for your friends to tell their children when they get older at your expense.

A chicken walks into a McDonald's and the cashier asked the chicken what he would like to order. A man waiting for his meal walked out realizing that the employees of this restaurant were not who he wanted making his food.

Q:What did the giraffe say to the sunflower? A:I like your shoelaces!

yo mamma so fat when she seen a stop sigh she ate it

When your scuba diving why do u jump off backwards beacause if u jump forwards than u witll still be in the boat!!!!!!

If Jim lives in north carolina, what does that make his dad's brother? Black

I bought my daughter the Josef Fritzl advent calendar. The proceeds go towards abuse survivor charities.

A black man, an Asian man, and a Mexican man jump off a bridge. They were all suffering from chronic depression and couldn't take the pressures of life anymore.

how long does it take a meth-head to rob your flat? not long at all, and they'll take everything. they need to, it's an addiction

what's bad about pushing your friend off a cliff? you can't do it twice

why did the chicken cross the road it was being chased by the man from the chicken slaughter house.

Why wouldn't Jimmy ever eat his vegetables at dinner? As a young boy, Jimmy watched as a robber entered his house, suffocated his mother by clogging her airway with a cucumber, and escaped with their life savings.

Why does Michael J. Fox make the best milkshakes? He uses only the finest ingredients.

What do you do when your internet goes down? You right click on the internet connection and try to fix the problem.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To warn people on the other side that the sky was falling Why did the cow cross the road? Cause he had madcow disease Why did Chuck Norris cross the road? Cause he's Chuck Norris Why did the Mexican cross the road? He was on his way to America Why did the black man cross the road? He was just running to his car you racist.....after he had robbed the bank Why did the horse go to the other side of the field? He liked green grass

A white guy a black guy and a mexican are all on a trian. The white guy says "We should all through something off the train that we have too much of in this country." The mexican throws a sombraro of the train and says " We have too many of these in this country." The black guy throws a gun off the train and says "We have too many of these in this country." The white guy pushes the mexican off the train and says "We have too many of these in this country.

Why did the guy crash his car? Because he didn't want to crash his truck.

Jimmy was skipping in the park one day when a young boy stopped him. "Hello there, would you like to be friends? We can go behind the old oak tree and play soccer!" asked the boy. "Ok!" replied Jimmy, and they went off together to play. The so-called 'young boy' was actually a wanted midget rapist. Jimmy was brutally raped and filmed. The film was later uploaded onto the internet where it blew up in a matter of weeks. Jimmy had to move schools 6 times and had to go to counselling every week. He finds it hard making friends and later went on to become a heavy cocaine addict.

In the middle of a long flight from Heathrow to Chicago O'Hare, the passengers of a 747 watched the engines all suddenly flame out. "Now, folks," the captain said over the PA as the plane plummeted to the earth, "I want it on record that I said it in plain English: a 747 can't fly from Heathrow to Chicago without refueling." No one bothered writing it down.

Whats worse than being white and in harlem on the 4th of july? Your schizophrenic father leaving you a voicemail detailing the politics of successful encounters with prostitutes.

how do you beat up 3 year old with ease? you beat her up, 3 years can't fight for shit.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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