*knock knock* "who's there?" "me, the person who knocked..duh"

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Whats small, red and white, and would kill you if shot out of a cannon? A decapitated baby

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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Knock, Knock Who's there? The interrupting doctor The inter- You have cancer

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What's the anonymous name for vampire hunters? The KKK.

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How do gay guys have sex with women?? They dont, they are gay.

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What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.

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(Knock Knock) Who's there? You were late paying your mortgage and now your house is being repossessed by the bank.

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Knock Knock The door's open, wipe your shoes off on the matt

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What did the boy reading the book do? He kept turning pages and reading until he came to the end, closed the book, and put it back onto the book shelf.

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Batman, Superman, Spiderman and Wonder Woman walk into a bar. The bartender decides to ruin the joke by saying nothing.

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Yo' momma's so fat, she has an increased risk of cardiovascula disease and may die.

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What does a paralysed mans legs feel like? We don't know, he is paralysed

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wanna here a dirty joke? Suree A white horse fell in a mud puddle dum dumdum dum duuuuuuummmm

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What is blue and not heavy? Light blue!

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What was the last thing the clown said to his wife before she died? Rebecca, just stay with me, the ambulance is almost here.

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What did the bartender say to the bugatti owner? "Don't drink and drive"

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was a serial rapist.

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You’re so dumb that many individuals find your intelligence inferior.

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Knock knock Who there? A mute Bullshit

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What do you call a guy who can't get a girlfriend? Me.

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Knock knock. Who’s there? Your son. Your son who? DAD WHY CAN’T YOU ACCEPT THE FACT THAT I AM GAY!

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Fox News.

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How did the Jewish husband and wife stay together forever? They didn't. They ended up in divorce like 50% of all other married couples due to irreconcilable differences.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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